One who abides in the vine.
Someone recently asked us what “Abidinaries” means. It’s the name I assigned our website after writing Peeling the Onion and Learning to Abide from the mountains of Honduras. Our time on the foreign mission field was an ever-deepening death to ourselves and consecration to the Lord as we learned to wait and abide in Jesus. John 15:1-17 While we definitely helped others overseas, God’s true purpose in sending us was to teach us to abide. Hence the name Gray Hope Missionaries became
Gray Hope Abidinaries.
“Gray Hope” is a play on words. The name Gray means hope. Gray is the space between black and white, darkness and light. Hope occupies the space between believing and manifestation. We need all the hope we can get.
After nearly four years at a children’s home in Comayagua Honduras, God placed us deep in the mountains at the proverbial entrance of the Leviticus 8:35 tent to wait so that what He was birthing in us would not die. I’ve written about our wilderness experience in, What Will You Bring? I figure some may be tired of hearing it so I’m not going to rehash it all now. The relevant point here is that today we must contend for quiet time. I’d be lying if I said we don’t miss the simplicity and stillness of our wilderness.
One task set before us today has been to carry the lessons and stillness of the wilderness into the chaos. Today I work as a Shift Supervisor at Holston Home for Children. I serve 10-12 staff. Crisis management for sixty kids is my primary function. For the most part that means dealing with runaways, suicidal/homicidal ideation, self-harm, kids who break things and throw things, kids who fight staff or each other and need to be restrained. On quiet days I wash dishes. I liken my job to loving Sid from Toy Story 1. Suffice it to say, I’ve learned more about the Father’s heart here than any other time or place in my life.
It is within the chaos of traumatized, delinquent, and very broken youth that the mission field exists. I love my job. Frankly, I don’t understand why more genuine Christ followers aren’t rushing to fill the seemingly forever-vacant positions here.
Maybe you will…
For the record, I occasionally document our life circumstances and thoughts in case some great, great, great-grandchild, nephew, or niece wonders about their ancestral roots as I do. In addition, we have friends and former followers while we were in Honduras who may be wondering where we went and what we are doing now.
A Snapshot
I put in a forty-hour work week in three days. The rest of the time Cathy and I are involved with a women’s addiction recovery program, jail ministry, the Bible study that drives this blog, and we counsel married couples. We aren’t licensed professionals. Our primary qualification is the brokenness that God transformed into His blessing.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 2 Cor 1:3-5
We live the abundant life. That abundance is found in
Abididing.
It is the intimate awareness of our littleness that positions us to witness what only God can do. The longer we are in ministry the more we realize that we are simply along for the ride. The only consistent thing for which we can take partial credit is showing up. Prov 28:20 I say “partial” because even the breath in our lungs is a gift from God. It is faithfulness in small things that is itself a gift that frees us from the illusions of worldly success, the oh-so-burdensome need of being seen and heard, the bondage of man-pleasing and the ravenous self that Jesus requires all His disciples to deny. Mat 16:24
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off. Isaiah 55:8-13
It’s been just over two years since God brought us back to the States. As we have learned, some people thought we left after the landslide in 2020. But we continued our mission for over a year until God moved us. I say this because there is a profound difference between running to a place versus running away from one. We never wanted to return to the USA. We returned because God called us to East Tennessee. March 1st makes exactly two years since we arrived in Greeneville. There’s not a doubt in our minds that we heard God correctly. He has us exactly where He wants us and we love it because we are in His will.
Still, we had a pretty good sense of what lay ahead as we stood by that river in Cerro Azul Honduras. Bits of debris from our house swept away in a landslide exactly one year before lay strewn around us as I wept tears of sadness and joy with my bride. There was sadness because an amazing chapter filled with wonder and adventure beyond our wildest dreams was drawing to a close. We had joy because He was calling us to a new chapter with His American bride for whom He had given us a fresh love and burden. On that day we resolved before God that as messy as things might be, we would not give a platform to offense. We would continue to be faithful in the ministry of reconciliation to which every believer is called 2 Cor 5:11-20 and vowed not to compromise the truth.
Points to Ponder
One thing that is clear about the American bride that hardly anyone wants to discuss is that she is utterly ridden with sin. Quite often people conceal their sins from themselves and others by taking offense at the sins of others.
One of the things we most appreciate about the populations with whom we work is their transparency. As Cathy puts it, “Their dirty laundry is hung out for everyone to see.” Inmates, addicts, and delinquent children are society’s scapegoats. Those who have had the role of scapegoat imposed upon them are often quite good at spotting a facade. Cages get rattled when they do. Society regards that rattling as rude and insensitive and dishonoring. Meanwhile, facades usually subconsciously affirm other facades. We call this being polite, loving and honoring. Long story short, loving politeness and honor is one reason why we end up with porn addicts, pedophiles, and narcissists in pulpits because we regard gifting, and popularity as proof of Godliness.
No I will not elaborate. That is Holy Spirit’s job.
At the end of the day, God can work with transparent sin. Hidden sin requires a Heb 12 shaking. That shaking is here. We are in a season marked by the choice between judging ourselves followed by genuine repentance or God’s judgment beginning with exposure and public shame.
Here in the US we see utterly broken believers seeking a platform that will usher them into an illusory “next level”. Stuck in denial of their depravity, they fail to understand that higher in the kingdom means lower in the world. True ministry begins and ends with brokenness, and more likely scorn and rejection instead of the esteem and glory they covet from men. Jesus warned about seeking the esteem of men.
“Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets. Luke 6:26
Unfortunately, many remain completely unaware of their own facade. As one friend recently put it,
“I literally didn’t know I was fake!!”
That one revelation opened the door to some of the most profound healing and transformation by the hand of God that we have had the privilege of witnessing to date.
Here’s the Hook
Many today are offended by any idea or mention of the word judgment. Hence some may find themselves tempted to take offense at my words. However, the season of judgment whereby we are invited to judge ourselves so that we may not be judged 1 Cor 11:31 is an invitation to peel the proverbial onion of self. Whereas peeling the onion initially meant peeling back layers of trauma, offense, selfishness, self-centeredness, and the resulting sin – peeling the onion for us today looks like simple course correction minus the anger, shame, frustration, and tears. It yields freedom, joy, and peace as we witness God orchestrate His perfect eternal will in every moment of every day without our needing to take credit or blame.
Nothing affirms our true identity in Christ like the apprehension of one’s littleness.
How minuscule are the giftings, accomplishments, esteem, and offenses of men? Ecc 12
Every believer is called to the ministry of reconciliation that God has given us. 2 Cor 5:11-20 The only way this will happen is if we are first reconciled to God. One proof of this is that we regard no one after the flesh. Facades are always of the flesh and can never be reconciled let alone abide in the vine. John 15:4-11 Hence when counseling individuals and couples, we always impart the wisdom of Captain Kike former Chief of Security at one of the jails in which I was once housed,
“Don’t fake it till you make it. Be real till you heal.”
If you do this and are reconciled to God and those whom you have offended and been offended by, then you will know the patience, peace, and freedom of not being trapped by offense. You will not regret or be ashamed of the past. Nor will you want to shut the door on it. You will witness God using all that the devil meant for harm for your good and His glory. You will see God’s mercy in your prior suffering. You will recognize that the blessing is in the brokenness and abundance in abiding.
Anyway, that’s what we are up to these days. These are our circumstances and the thoughts we are thinking. Lord willing, we plan to be back to our regular Acts 17:11 Bereans Bible study posts next week.
We love you guys!
Maranatha!
