Brian and Cathy Gray Tennessee

Growing Down in East Tennessee

In case you haven’t heard The Garden has been planted. The Garden is a Holston Home for Children transitional home for graduates of the Recovering Hearts program for women. Cathy and I are the appointed stewards. Ideally, the women at The Garden will be partners in that stewardship.

The Backstory

History is important if for no other reason than it reveals our roots and God’s hand in forming them.

Cathy and I were married in February 2005. The timing was largely driven by a mutual call to serve what some describe as “The least of these”. That is inmates, addicts, and their children.

Our marriage began in a faith-based, coed transitional home that we named Live Again the Walk Inc. The idea was that we are born again. We then have to learn to live again. We crawl before we walk. The essential paradigm remains the same for The Garden. I covered a lot of our transitional housing resume in How For Go and For The Love of Pua.

Suffice it to say that after twelve years of living with five to ten inmates and sometimes their children, we had a pretty clear revelation of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 3.

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.
So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.

1 Corinthians 3:6-9

The Garden

We left Hawaii for the Harvest School of Missions in Pemba, Mozambique, in 2016, then became full-time missionaries in Honduras. Nearly six years later, we landed in Greeneville, Tennessee. I began working with dependent, neglected, sometimes delinquent youth at Holston Home, where I currently serve as a Shift Supervisor. One day out of the blue, Cathy said, “I don’t know why. But I see us living on a farm that someone is going to ask us to care take.” I have learned through the years to pay attention when my wife says things like that. Still, we never breathed a word about it to anyone. A month later we met Mary Bernal.

Mary

Mary is a criminal defense lawyer in California. She is full of love and joy and hope and perseverance and…did I say hope? She’s also a bit prophetic. She had purchased the farm, site unseen because God told her to. Anyone who knows me knows I am, shall we say, Biblically skeptical  1 Thess 5:20-21 when it comes to prophecy. “I see you and Brian living here,” Mary said.

“Yeeahh… I don’t see that.”, I told Cathy.

Mary did her best to bring about her vision to help broken women. Still, God’s timing is key. So is Proverbs 3:5-8. Patience is a fruit and God uses our circumstances to develop it.

Fast forward… 

Two years later, Holston President Bradley Williams asked to speak with me in his office. He and Able Carrico, the Pastor of the Rock Church also located on the Holston property, had been ceded control of the farm by Mary to be used as they saw fit. Neither of these men would ever do anything as THEY see fit and so they prayed. Both heard from the Lord that Cathy and I should be the ones to run whatever the farm would become.

“I’ve heard this before.” I said.

Bradley didn’t know what the farm should be used for at that point and asked me to pray.

I did.

Long story short, the Lord gave me a burden for another transition home for the Recovering Hearts women. Cathy had been patiently waiting for me to catch the vision. She jumped for joy when I finally did. I made this video to help Mary raise funds for some needed construction on what at that time was called The Glory Farm. Anyone confused about the definition of transitional housing should take the time to watch it.

For whatever reason, God did not provide the donors she’d hoped for. So, Mary being Mary, didn’t give up. She spent the bulk of her personal savings so the vision could come to fruition. That said, I had told the featured Recovering Hearts women, that the video was for “an Easter surprise.”  Turns out I wasn’t far off. The construction was completed. The official opening date was April 10th, 2025.

So why was it named The Garden? Ironically we were visiting family on our old home turf, The Garden Island, otherwise known as Kauai Hawaii, when Bradley texted us and told us he thought the Lord was telling him we should name the upcoming Greeneville Tennessee transition home The Garden.

“Sounds prophetic,” I said.

Turns out it was.

The new garden beds at the Garden are ready now that the ladies have been planted.
Flowers going in at Garden. Cathy loves to plant and water.

As I said in the video, a transition home is “real life with training wheels”. I explain the paradigm in the context of parenting.  The first stage is discipline, followed by coaching and friendship. Recovering Hearts is the discipline phase. The Garden is a place for coaching and friendship. The expectation is that residents are willing and able to receive and heed wise counsel and then discipline themselves. It sounds simple enough. The truth is that many, if not most, could have been dependent – neglected children living at the Holston Home for Children. Trauma lenses don’t change overnight. There are gaps in education and experience with life skills. Institutionalization and unconscious entitlement must be identified and patiently addressed as women learn to apply what God showed them in Recovering Hearts.

The First Supper at The Garden

The first shall be last…

Another lesson the Lord has taught us through the years of which I often speak is that

God does not need me to do anything. He puts me in a position to serve because it is the best place for me to learn what He has to teach and conform me. Don’t ask why is this happening Lord? Ask what are you doing in me Lord?

That said, anyone who has received counsel from us has heard my speech about knowing one’s limits and setting healthy boundaries. I’ve talked about the importance of stillness and rest ad infinitum. It dawns on me as I write that I am a complete hypocrite. Then again, sometimes we teach what we need to learn. The truth is I only rest when rest is imposed upon me. I’ve been working nonstop, full throttle for at least two months without a break. Ironically we had just discussed our experience with waiting periods imposed by God in the small group that Cathy and I attend. Several people expressed their frustration with waiting.

“Man, I would love to have another waiting period!!” I said.

The very next day I was cutting logs for the base layer of the planters featured in the featured photo. I’d just completed a 60-hour work week at Holston. It was hot and I was tired from mowing and cutting and hauling logs when I decided to cut a dead tree on a slope in the field. I’ve been using chainsaws since I was ten and I always make an escape plan should something go wrong. This time I didn’t. The tree rolled, I jumped, and caught the still-turning blade on my knee. A favorite quote echoed through my mind as wondered if I would bleed out limping up the hill.

Stupid is as stupid does!

-Forest Gump-

The surgeon told me I’d cut through the joint capsule, a tendon that stabilizes the patella tendon and trimmed the meniscus.

The last shall be first.

Now, here I sit, waiting and being served by the very women I came to serve. Cindy shoveled the chicken coup yesterday after church. It was the next job on my punch list.

Currently, we have thirty-two hens and three roosters.

32 Hens
Big Red
Foghorn Leghorn

Apparently, chainsaw injuries are also effective catalysts for food and fellowship.

Spontaneous outbreaks of worship may also result.

So often I hear those in prison and addiction recovery ministries refer to those they serve as “The least of these” in reference to the words of Jesus in Mathew 25. In our experience, what others call “the least” frequently turns out to be the greatest among us. The one thing everyone featured in the photos above has in common is that, at one point, every one of us was broken. We can not think of anyone with whom we would rather partner as we learn to steward God’s gift which is The Garden.

One thing is certain. Life on earth is full of transitions. Life in the flesh is a circle. We are born dependent. We move through stages of fleshly independence and interdependence accompanied by illusions of personal significance. We end in a state of utter dependence on others. All residual pride is slain. I believe that one of God’s purposes in all of this is that we learn to be

Independently dependent on Him.

That seems to be His primary goal and purpose for The Garden.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Once again God has placed me in a position where I must receive from those I came to serve. It’s been a recurring motif in my life. Today, I am reticent to admit that my flesh is nearly sixty. But my mind says I’m 35 or 40. The truth is I might not have slowed down enough to cultivate joint stewardship had the Lord not put me down. In addition, I can’t get Hebrews 4 out of my mind.

Therefore, while the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us fear lest any of you should seem to have failed to reach it. 

Hebrews 4:1

Like a lot of ministries at Holston, The Garden is a proverbial plane being built in flight. God will use it according to His will and in ways we could never expect or predict. All I know for sure is that Cathy and I love these ladies. I love them with the Father’s heart.  I have learned more about the Father’s heart in working at Holston than at any other time or place in my life. For now, I will wait with eager expectation that the Lord has something special for all of us who reside at The Garden. If there is anything I have learned in my walk with the Lord thus far, it is that the true life that is hidden in Christ, the actively transforming life, is not about growing upward in fulfillment of our most recent “five-year plan”.  It is found in a life that aims to go lower and slower. True life in Christ means growing down. We are so very grateful for the opportunity to grow down in East Tennessee.

Maranatha

The Garden
Brian and Cathy Gray Bible study, Commentary, Tennessee

Blink

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Romans 12:9-13

The older I get the faster time goes. Yesterday I was a very broken 16 year old. I blinked and I’m pushing 60. The older I get the more I appreciate the depth and purpose of the lessons God teaches me through experience.

Paul is describing the character and qualities of a genuine Christian in Romans 12:9-13. I don’t think the qualities he names can be defined, let alone understood through academic study alone. Rather they must be learned in the context of being transformed and conformed to the image of God’s Son via experiences that God uses to teach us. Given that marriage is the paradigm by which we can best comprehend the relationship between Christ and His church, it’s no coincidence that the qualities Paul names in Romans are also key to a successful marriage. The only valid competition between believers and spouses is in honoring the other. Otherwise, the wife submits to her husband. The husband gives himself up for his wife. Eph 5:22-27 Each submits to the other, thereby growing closer to the other and, by extension, to God.

Blink

Cathy and I met on Kauai twenty-one years ago. February 5th marks twenty truly wonderful years of marriage.

Words cannot describe the genuineness of my love for Cathy. I would go so far as to say that she has taught me what genuine love is. If you told me twenty-two years ago that I was going to marry the most beautiful woman I could ever imagine I would have told you are full of something other than hope.

Blink

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

As I like to say, God pruned me down to a stump and fittingly gave me a job planting trees.  I was living in my van and emerging from my own brokenness while starting a men’s recovery ministry when I met Cathy in our church. A decade before, the Lord gave her a heart for the incarcerated and a vision for prison ministry. One day, she asked a mutual friend who provided bibles for the local jail how she could get into the jail to minister to the female inmates. He pointed across the room and said,

“Go talk to that guy.”

“That guy” was me.

Cathy and I began going to the jail as ministry partners the following week. Neither one of us was looking for a relationship at the time. Her serial adulterer ex-husband had tried to kill her by choking her at 3am two years before. My serial adultress ex-wife had left me three years earlier. She later died of an opiate overdose. In any case, we quickly became the best of friends. Cathy said I talked better than any of her girlfriends.

Cathy was tougher than any man I knew.

The first recreational activity we did together was a 16-mile round-trip hike to Hanakoa Valley and back on the Kalalau Trail. For the sake of context, the Sierra Club has assigned the Kalalau Trail a difficulty rating of 9 out of 10. Cathy was ten days into a fast when we did it. I remember thinking to myself, “Now this is a woman I can hang out with!”  I’d recently Kayaked the Napali Coast on a group tour with a woman partner who refused to paddle. I paddled her dead weight the entire 17 miles. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my friend was trying to set me up with her. Suffice it to say, I was as disgusted as I was exhausted by the end of the trip. The last thing I needed in my life was some high-maintenance, wannabe princess who thought weakness made her attractive. 

Cathy I were married  nine months later.

But, as it is written,“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him“

1 Corinthians 2:9

Blink

As I look back over the last twenty years, it is abundantly clear that I have learned the most about Romans 12:9-13 within the context of our marriage. We have faced some hard situations through the years. We have remained unified as one flesh through it all.

We both knew we were called to missions before we were married. That mission began with a coed faith-based transition home for furloughed inmates. We lived with 5-10 inmates and sometimes their children for twelve years.

Then God released us to the foreign mission field. We were standing on opposite sides of our bed when we looked at each other and said,

It’s time.

Do not be slothful in zeal took on a whole new meaning!

We were preparing to head to Honduras when the Lord spoke to Cathy. “We are getting ahead of God.” She said. Long story short, I listened and God pointed us to Harvest School. He eventually led us to Honduras. But He had work to do in both of us first.

Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.

1 Thessalonians 5:19-22

I am one to test everything, especially prophetic words. One prophecy in two parts, has been proven valid over time. It was given by a fellow student during our Harvest School in Mozambique. The first part was that our walk together would be like rock hopping across a river. We would hop from one rock to another and wait for the next one to appear. Some of that waiting would be longer than we expected. Check! The second part was a vision of the two of us scaling a cliff.

Each would take turns leading while the other would be on belay. Check! God always leads us together. Sometimes I get the vision first. Sometimes Cathy gets it. We have learned to trust that the other hears clearly. We don’t move until God confirms His word in both of us. It has been amidst the climb more than the river crossing that we have grown in our understanding of

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Blink

Nualolo Vista then and now

Nualolo
A fluttering blaze, a strong place, a ladder, or a bridge.

Hawaiian Dictionary

The Nualolo trail is another one of our favorite hikes on Kauai. It’s just short of an eight-mile round trip, mostly through a rainforest. The first leg is marked by a 2500 ft drop in elevation over the course of 4 miles. To say the trail is muddy and slippery is an understatement. Twenty years ago, I ran it. It’s been nearly 15 years since Cathy and I last hiked it together. We thought nothing of hiking it again on this trip.

Boy were we surprised. We were as tired and sore when we arrived at the Vista as we used to be at the end of the hike.

There’s an inside joke to this photo

We still had nearly 4 miles to go. Most of that was straight up. We spurred one another on Rejoicing in hope. “Let’s imagine we are on the Appalachian trail with five hundred miles to go instead of three,” Cathy said.

I was in pain. Cathy was in pain. She was so tired that she could barely manage a slow shuffle at the end. We wondered if we were fighting off a cold or a virus of some sort. At one point I thought I might have to carry her. Still, we were patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer. “Thank you Jesus for strenghting us!” “Thank you for the pain. May we identify with your suffering as you carried the cross for our salvation” It was nearing dark and I was tempted to fear. After all, people, die in the mountains of Kauai. But she pushed through it. We pushed through it. “Good job honey! I am proud of you.” I said as we finally approached the car.

“I think I need to go to the hospital.” She said.

She didn’t. Still, it occurred to me that this might have been our last hike on the Nualolo trail. There are a lot of lasts along the way – lots of transitions in this vapourous life on earth. We deny it when we are young. Alas, understanding comes with the length of days. Job 12:12 The truth is that we never know where or when those lasts will be. On the other hand there have been many times when we thought a chapter was closed, only to have God say,

“HA! Not so fast.

While I suspect that God has more to reveal, Nualolo was a ladder or a bridge – a leaving behind what is past and stepping into a new chapter with the Lord. It was a strong place in that we were forced to abandon our previous reliance on our youthful agility, toughness, and strength and instead prayerfully depend on the Lord for every step. It was a newfound depth of His strength, a fluttering blaze instead of a roaring fire, rooted in patience instead of explosive power. It was painful and confusing in real time.

It is now beautiful in retrospect.

Life is often like that.

Now that we are back in Greeneville we are prepping to do yet another thing we thought we were done doing. We are opening a transitional home on Mary’s farm previously known as The Glory Farm. This time, Cathy was in the lead, and I was on belay. Three years ago she said, “I feel like we are going to be on a farm. Someone is going to ask us to live on the land as caretakers.” “I don’t see it, but ok,” I said. Shortly after that, we met Mary. She saw Cathy and I doing something with the Recovering Hearts women on her farm. “I don’t see it, but ok,” I said. The Lord had some things to teach Mary and others. Two years later, Bradley, our CEO at Holston, called me into his office and told me that Holston had been given charge of the farm. He said he asked the Lord and saw Cathy and me running whatever it was to become. “It’s funny you should say that,” I replied. “I’ve heard this before. “I don’t see it but we will be obedient to the Lord.” “Just pray about it.” He said. I did. The Lord spoke to my heart a few months later.

“Honey I think we might have to open a house for the Recovering Hearts women,” I said.

There is lots of work to be done. But April 1st is the target opening date for a transitional home called

“The Garden”

We will be moved out of our current home on March 1st, which is the exact day we moved in three years ago.

3/1/2022

The story of the Garden is already bracketed by more testimonies than I can fit here. Suffice it to say that Cathy and I will embark on another chapter in our marriage and journey with the Lord. While other believers will inevitably seek to honor us, and we hope that we will model what we have learned thus far, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has us on this particular path because it is the best way to grow our understanding and obedience to His call to

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly (and spousal) affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal; be fervent in spirit, and serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Some Biblical doctrines and principles must be studied. Others can only be learned through experience and practice. Some can be modeled. We hope that we can model Romans 12:9-13 for the women at Recovering Hearts. As for The Garden itself, this is our vision thus far. Stay tuned.

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Red Pill Diaries, Tennessee

Redemption in Appalachia

We are playing a very small role in redemptive disaster relief efforts in East Tennessee and Western NC. At this point, our focus has been on partnering with other ministries to get much-needed supplies into underserved areas.

Temperatures are dropping fast in Appalachia and the acute risk of hyperthermia for people rendered homeless by Helene is real. Yesterday, we partnered with Harvest Time Encounters and three other ministries to deliver a twenty-foot Uhaul truck full of cold weather supplies to Banner Elk, NC, a community with a large and now homeless Hispanic migrant population numbering at least one hundred men and women and children. If that last statement spikes your blood pressure,

Bear with me…

I realize there is a narrative stating that FEMA isn’t helping in Helene relief efforts because all the money has been spent on illegal migrants. If so, there are profound legal and constitutional issues at stake. However, the word on the ground here is that these people do not qualify for government assistance, including FEMA. As for us, we are Christians. God’s kingdom is not of this world. John 18:36  We are in the world but not of it. John 17:16 In the meantime, we have a mandate from God regarding the sojourner.

He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. 

Deuteronomy 10:18-19

Having served as missionaries in Honduras and become homeless due to a landslide, see Making Sense of Calamity, we can empathize with the sojourner. We can also assure you that the migrants that so many Americans are encouraged to despise are just as much or more victims of the current political situation as American citizens in the USA. Beginning in 2020, Latin American news, especially CNN, encouraged people to venture across the border with the assurance that they would be welcomed with an abundance of opportunities to improve their way of life. Were they used as political pawns? Perhaps. In any case, the caravans began. Too often, these people are framed as terrorists and criminals. In truth, there are terrorists and criminals in every people group. One sure way to turn regular hard-working people into so-called “terrorists” is to marginalize and persecute them. That’s what happened to Honduran and Salvadoran migrants during the late 1980’s and early 90’s the fruit of which was and is Mara Salvatrucha or MS-13.

Most of these people simply want to make ten dollars per hour instead of ten dollars per day.

In any case, human beings created in the image of God are currently at risk for freezing to death in Appalachia. Let me ask you a question.

What would Jesus have us do?

“America is God’s country!” you say.  True. So is the rest of His creation.

So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation (people group) anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him. 

Acts 10:34-35

Media Noise

Unfortunately, just as nature abhors a vacuum, the American mind abhors an unanswered question. Many today can not cope with the tension of not knowing. Hence any answer may be regarded as better than none. As is the case in much of the USA, rumors and conspiracies abound in Appalachia. That’s not to say that none are valid. As one senator whose name escapes me recently said, “We need new conspiracy theories because all of the old ones have already come true.” Even so, we have yet to encounter any militia, looters, or FEMA. All we’ve seen are compassionate, hard-working people representing exactly what America is supposed to be.

Banner Elk

“It takes a village”

is an understatement when it comes to disaster relief. We had all sorts of skilled and talented people who could have planned and built a city. Leon and Paula from Harvest Time Encounters initially organized the trip. Then Leon had to go to Uganda and realized he couldn’t make it back from NC in the required time frame. They knew we’d already been making runs to NC and they asked us to make the trip for them. Of course we said,

“Yes!”

Leon and Paula

We also had Musy and Laura. There are a lot of things I could say about these two. But suffice it to say that they are organizational “Git-er done” pros.

Laura is in the middle next to us, and Musy is to her left.

We had the entire warehouse staff at two distribution centers helping as well.

That being said, anyone who has been on the mission field, knows that chaos always abounds. Some people blame the devil.

I think it’s a testimony of God’s glory and sovereignty in the context of human foolishness and frailty.

It took all of the veteran missionaries and administrative experts two full days to coordinate gather, load, and transport sleeping bags, tents, heaters, propane, gasoline, generators, winter clothing, and food for people camping in freezing weather with none of the above. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Everyone one with overseas missions experience kept asking,

“why is this so hard to do in America?”

We were ready to go when Elizabeth, our contact person on the ground in Banner Elk said the guy who owned the hangar where she was receiving donations needed his hangar back. She could not receive any more donations until she found a new location. The donation distribution center refused to load us up without a verified contact person and delivery location. It looked like the trip was a bust. Then Musy remembered an old friend and learned he is now pastoring in Western North Carolina. As it turned out, he is in Boone, NC, just outside Banner Elk. She called him and he told her about a displaced Hispanic community at risk of freezing to death. He was “headed there now with peanut butter sandwiches”. Little did we know he was also meeting with a lady named Sherry in Banner Elk.

Scott and Becky Lycan Antioch Community Church

The next day we started afresh with Pastor Scott as a new contact. Only now, I guess we looked pretty flaky. Those in charge at the distribution center seemed reluctant to take us seriously. So we left and went to another center. Just as the second center was getting ready to supply us, the first center called back, apologized, and said they were “ready to load us up”. As we learned later, the request we had been trying to fill the entire time was originally from the same Sherry in Banner Elk. It had come in three days earlier and evidently had been misplaced. So, we returned to the first center while Musy and Laura stayed behind to fill their pickup truck with as many relevant supplies as they could get. The plan was to add it to our Uhaul load.

“I doubt they will fill our truck. We’ll have room for what you can get.” I told them.

Boy, was I wrong! The first center had pallets of supplies ready to pack our truck to the proverbial gills. They had some of every item requested. We’d gone from severe miscommunication and not having enough stuff to having too much stuff to fit in our truck. That’s when Pastor Bill showed up.

“I can take a load in my truck.” He said.

Bill had no agenda of his own that day. In fact he’d just finished asking the Lord what he was supposed to do when he laid eyes on us and overheard my frustration.

Sometimes we just need to abide in Prov 3:5-8 and get out of God’s way.

We did. God directed our path and did what the expert humans could not. That said, anyone can load a truck and drive it somewhere. We are not heroes.

Meet the heroes.

Bruce and Jeff

Pastor Scott was tied up when we arrived in Banner Elk. So he sent two fire chiefs from Fort Worth, Texas. Bruce  (left), is retired. Jeff is still active. Bruce told me Jeff is one of the top disaster response experts in the country. They’d been chainsawing all day and we could tell they were exhausted when we met up at four in the afternoon. The two men attend the same church in Texas and are in Banner Elk, volunteering for another week.

They were there to help us unload.

There was lots of emotion when we arrived. Some were thanking Jesus for the volume of supplies that we brought. Others were freaking out because they didn’t know where to put it. Everyone began brainstorming. Or should I say “storming”? We unloaded in one area then reloaded and unloaded…. That’s when  Jeff said,

“Stop!”

“I think there might be a warehouse we can use.”

He consulted the General in charge. For the record, she’s not really a General. But she is a veteran.

Sherry Trice

Sherry Trice is the quintessential Appalachian woman and resident of Banner Elk. Sweet as a kitten or a Pit Bull depending on who she is addressing, she comes from a long line of Appalachians with “ministries” of serving. She said that when she first looked out upon the resulting devastation caused by Helene, she distinctly heard,

“You serve here.”

I’m not sure if she knew who was talking, but she obeyed. She is coordinating much, if not most, of the relief efforts in Banner Elk. “If we have the money and resources, people with time to spare can get it done,”  she said. If there is one thing that Appalachian’s embody, it is a spirit of mental toughness, endurance, and selflessness. These are the original “Git-er done!” people. Many who have lost everything are more concerned with their neighbors than they are with themselves. “Don’t worry about me. Give it to someone who needs it more.” is a common response.  Sherry says she wants nothing to do with the church, she only wants the church people. We get it. I met Jesus at the barrel of a shotgun over two decades ago. I’ve been working out my theological errors ever since. As we were leaving, Sherry declared more than asked, “You’re coming back next week!” “Maybe,” I replied. “A man makes his plans, but the Lord directs his steps.” Sherry immediately looked up to the sky and proclaimed,

“I need them to come back next week!”

Cathy and I really like this lady.

Lord willing we’ll be back.

There was a fair amount of temptation to become offended along the way. We could debate who to blame, in the spiritual and the natural realms ad infinitum. I asked Jeff why things get so crazy and disorganized when Christians respond to dire needs. “It’s because everyone just jumps in and starts doing.”, he replied. This morning in our devotions Cathy and I discussed how Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing. We suspect that God is teaching us all something about that. He’s teaching us a lot of things. The impetus and urgency that drove this trip was a rumor that fifteen people had died of hyperthermia in Banner Elk. It went viral on social media. The local news debunked it. No one we met in Banner Elk said otherwise. Still, the risk of freezing to death is increasingly real. At the end of the day, God causes all things to work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Our job is to love God. If it works out, it’s because He did it. Period! He did. Another important point is that while none of us desires the pressure that is tribulation, sometimes tribulation is required if redemption is to be found within the only hope that does not disappoint. Rom 5:3-5 Quite often redemption involves the stripping that Cathy and I so often talk about.

Finally, Cathy repeatedly heard the word  “contingency” the other night and during her morning prayer time.

Continigency
provision for an unforeseen event or circumstance which is possible but cannot be predicted with certainty.

Oxford Dictionary

Maybe ponder that.

Anyway, now that you know the backstory, here’s a two-minute snippet that makes two days of abject chaos and confusion look smooth and easy. Pay special attention to the song as it describes the true spirit and disposition of everyone involved.

MARANATHA!

Brian and Cathy Gray Commentary, Tennessee

Haoles in Appalachia

Low and Slow – Missionary Lessons From Hawaii

Haole (Ha-olay) pronounced How-lee today is a Hawaiian word for foreigner. In more contemporary terms it has become a pejorative for presumptuous white people with no respect for local culture. Suffice it to say, that all white people are called Haole today.

The term Haole means “without breath.” Given that the spirit is regarded by Hawaiians to be in the breath, without breath meant devoid of spirit. As the story goes, Captain Cook was the first white man to land in Hawaii. He was greeted by the chief as he came ashore. As was the custom, the chief put his nose and forehead to Captain Cook’s and breathed out Alo…Ha, “Come into my space.” Cook did nothing. So the chief proclaimed Captain Cooke Haole!

Ironically many of the lessons I needed to learn about being a missionary came as a result of my being a Haole in Hawaii for 21 years. When I first arrived a local called to me from across the parking lot at a 7-Eleven. I put my arms up at forty-five-degree angles at my sides to indicate

“I don’t understand.”

It would have been fine had I still been in New York. In Hawaii it meant 

“I Like scrap!”

When I got to Honduras after 21 years of the Hawaiian Shaka

I found out the same gesture was a proposition for sex in Honduras.

Cathy and I left for the foreign mission field in 2016. We began with Harvest School in Mozambique then moved to Honduras for just short of six years. Now we are in Appalachia where the same lessons apply. We are missionaries wherever we go.

So what’s it like; you know, this missionary thing?

Well, I’m only one guy, and while some might disagree, I’ll give you my somewhat limited view. Here’s what I once wrote from Honduras.

Being a missionary is wanting God more than anything else. It is following the call of the one who is meek and lowly in heart Mat 11:29 It is counting the cost and laying down in faith whatever is, for what God’s word says could and should be. It is the willingness to be baptized by fire in ways you know could happen but maybe don’t believe ever will. It is wrestling with choosing to trust in the words and ideas of man or God alone when the country you’re in appears to be descending into civil war.

It is asking yourself if you have what it takes to give your life for the sake of the gospel if that moment of truth ever arrives.

It is waking up at 4 am to worship God alone in your secret place or hitting the road at 3 to spend fourteen hours in the back of a pickup. It is laughing with Hondurans and making jokes about pain as you are deluged for hours with inches of cold rain. It is confronting the worst poverty you’ve ever seen. It is witnessing the best and worst in others. It is exposing the same in yourself. It is witnessing God doing genuine miracles and the fulfillment of “greater things than these shall you do.” John 14:12-14 It is recoiling at those powered by pride, mesmerizing others with cheap grace and lies.

It is realizing that the “least of these” in Mat 25 might not be the starving child hungry for love as much as it is the charlatan you despise.

Being a missionary means seeing people joyfully come into the kingdom as they see their genuine needs. It means seeing people accept Jesus for the fiftieth time because they’ve learned that raising their hand is the PIN for the two-legged, missionary ATM. It is bringing your deepest, best, and most profound revelations, your testimony, your experience, strength, and hope to people amid the most unbearable suffering you’ve ever seen. It is confronting your inadequacies as you wonder if anything you do even matters. It is walking in the tension of differentiating between my will and. His will. It is discerning the difference between overwhelming emotion and walking in the spirit.  It is speaking, teaching, and praying to bring healing and hope.

It is the humbling recognition that you could never endure what they do and that perhaps God placed them on earth to bring healing and correction to you.

It is accepting that different people have different giftings and theologies and not everyone believes that as much as you. It is learning the meaning of James 1:2-4.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing...

It is watching God come through to weave His message from the words and testimonies of five-year-olds.

It is living without electricity and water and hot water for sure. Sometimes there’s a bucket for a shower — other times just a cup. It is being sick with the same bug over and over again sometimes for weeks at a time until you finally become immune.

Being a missionary means learning over and over again that God is always true to his word which may not be synonymous with our expectations.

It is loving, praying, feeding, blessing, laughing, trusting, weeping, sometimes wanting to scream or do worse in your rage. Being a missionary is the willingness to be broken because brokenness is where the Pearl of Great Price is found.

We have found that most of these lessons continue to apply in the continental United States albeit in different ways. This is especially true in Appalachia.

Appalachia is distinct from Hawaii in some ways and very similar in others. For example, Hawaiians are by nature distrustful of outsiders yet exceedingly polite as they pride themselves on the aloha spirit. Patience, humility, and generosity are nonnegotiables for a haole to be accepted among the Kanaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians). We have found the same principles apply here. Hawaiians have little patience for disingenuousness or facades. Once accepted the outsider becomes Ohana.  Ohana means family. Family implies trust. We have found a similar spirit among locals in Greeneville.

“Low and Slow.”

Low and slow like the one who was meek and lowly Mat 11:29 is the driving force in missions. It implies a willingness to learn and respect the culture to which we are called. It begins with a willingness to be taught by the locals even if their aim is to be taught by us. Scripturally that looks like submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph 5:21 This carries with it the assumption that while I might have a mission to fix something, the possibility always exists that I might be the one who needs fixing. It was on the mission field that I learned that sometimes God uses our pride to position us. We think He needs us. In truth, He needs to conform us. Rom 8:29 Our response to the locals will always show the true condition of our hearts. The approach always determines the response. The responsibility for the approach always falls on the outsider.

Low and slow means never seeking a position or platform. We find that obscurity facilitates peace and effectiveness. Luke 6:26  That doesn’t mean notoriety is bad by default. Our Pastor is the songwriter and lead singer for Mountain People Worship. He came to the US as a foreign exchange student from Brazil. When he arrived God told him to clean every bathroom he entered. If someone pooped on the floor, God would tell him “That one is yours.”

That’s low and slow.

All that being said, the reality within the body of Christ is that we are also missionaries to each other. This is particularly true in places like Greeneville where more and more people are arriving from all over the US and sometimes the globe. Everyone shares a similar story in that they are uniquely called by God. Still, there are profound, often unrecognized cultural differences around the US. Those differences include but are not limited to accents, hand gestures, vocal tones, personal space and touch, manners, and choice of words. For example, in Hawaii, it is customary to acknowledge anyone who enters a room even if you are engaged in a conversation. Anything else is rude. Here in Greeneville, people honor others by maintaining a laser-like focus on the one with whom they are engaged.

Sometimes cultural differences can be dangerous. Just the other day we were facilitating a group of women when a woman from the northeast became upset about the circumstances of her life. She was extremely animated in her description of what she was feeling. I was born in the same place so I understood her clearly. Meanwhile, two other women from Tennessee interpreted her behavior as aggressive and poised themselves for self-defense. It was a powerful teaching moment. We discussed cultural differences that became an inspiration for this post.

Another mission-killing error in any mission field is for a group of foreigners to come into a community and mostly fellowship among themselves. This is common on short-term trips where missionaries feel anxious. Familiarity is comfortable. Comfortable is a no-no in missions. Even worse is when a group unwittingly portrays themselves as superior, be it economically, intellectually, culturally, or theologically. The intent might be pure and they may in fact be humble, kind, and loving people. That is irrelevant if our cultural misunderstanding produces more misunderstanding. It is common for the unwitting to perceive a genuine need and jump right in to meet it only to find that their presumption was received as arrogance.

Expecting to be understood before taking the time to ensure we understand can be hazardous.

We did an outreach as part of our Harvest School in Mozambique. They sent us into a village to eat with some single mothers. I felt very uncomfortable being one of two men in the group. Naturally, I started looking for something to fix. I found a piece of rope, an old bicycle tire, and a tree and made a tire swing. The children had a blast. One child fell off the swing while we played. He got bumped on the head but otherwise was fine and immediately got back on the swing. “Boys will be boys.” I thought to myself. I was pretty proud of my newfound missionary prowess. We ate lunch and I was ready to return to the swing. But the mommas sent us on our way.  As we walked out of the yard I noticed the rope and tire on the ground. One of the mommas had cut it down. That’s when it dawned on me. I never asked if they wanted a swing or if they would even permit me to make it. I’d simply assumed that my perceptions and ways were right. In addition, someone later pointed out the fact that had a child been more seriously injured, there were no ambulances or emergency medical care. Even if there were, these single mothers did not have the money to pay for it. It was a huge revelation that shaped the way I perceive new cultures and environments. The same principle of low and slow applies if I move to a new country or change jobs within the same organization.

The biggest takeaway I had from being on the foreign mission field is that the first reason God places me in any position or location is for my transformation. He is God. He is not dependent on me. He is teaching me to be dependent on Him. He doesn’t need me to do things. I get to do things and learn from the experiences. Hence I never ask “Why?”. I ask “What?” “What are you doing Lord- in me, in us, in this situation…?” We would have a lot less misunderstanding and offense in the body of Christ if we would change our approach. At the end of the day, we are called to follow Jesus who is meek and lowly in heart Mat 11:29. Jesus walked with the end in mind – the wedding supper of the lamb Rev 19:6-9 The benchmark we should all be striving for in the meantime is unity in knowledge of Jesus in love.

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Eph 4:11-16

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Tennessee

Lion Man

This is the story of a Super Hero. Some people know him as Judah. I know him as “Lion Man”. Judah is a living epistle of perseverance in tribulation which produces character, and character hope. Lion Man bolsters my hope because I can so clearly see the love of God that is poured out in Judah’s heart. Rom 5:3-5.

Biblically speaking, Judah was the youngest of Jacob’s sons through whom the lineage of Jesus, The Lion of Judah came.

I have known Judah the Lion Man for just over two years. In that time I have watched him persevere amidst Spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), a genetic condition that causes muscle weakness and atrophy (when muscles get smaller). SMA can affect a child’s ability to crawl, walk, sit up, and control head movements. Severe SMA can damage the muscles used for breathing and swallowing.

When I say persevere, I do mean PERSEVERE. I don’t know if I could ever handle what Judah faced in his 5 years. Most superhero’s are known for thier ability to avoid pain and suffering and inflict it on their designated villians. Super Heros like Lion Man endure pain and suffering with patience and abundant joy to build faith and bring hope to a world obsessed with self image. I am convinced that God sent super heros like Lion Man to a world obsessed with physicality, in order to smash the idol of self that most people don’t even know they worship. If that seems hyperbolic consider that the net worth of the entire  beauty industry was $579.22 billion in 2023. American consumers alone spent nearly $88 billion on beauty products that same year. Meanwhile American consumer spending on fitness supplements came in at $13.5 billion. Just to give you some perspective, the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), estimated that an annual investment of around $267 billion is needed to achieve Zero Hunger by 2030. Ironically the 200,000,000 skin cells we smother with lotions and potions die every hour regardless of how much money we spend. Meanwhile the hair we strive to keep shiny and in style is dead before can touch it. Again, I’m not putting anyone down, just lending some perspective.

Jacob who God renamed Israel fathered the nation through whom salvation, reconciliation and restoration would come to a very broken world. It is no coincidence that Jacob’s blessing and true identity began with a physical disability given to him by God. Gen 32:22-32

Recently, I learned that Lion Man was feeling a bit dejected and was seeing himself as a broken toy, namely Woody from the movie series Toy Story. Having only seen the first movie where Buzz is broken, I had no idea that Woody, Buzz’s friendly, rational and pragmatic side kick had his arm torn off as well. 

I wanted to cry. Not because Judah was feeling down – Lion Man always bounces back. But rather because he was losing sight of his blessing and being tempted to view himself through the lens of a completely fake and broken world.

Most adults who arrive at an understanding of their identity do so like Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story 1. By the way, if you think you are above being ministerd to by a children’s story then you are the quintessential representation of Buzz Lightyear. But then I am writing to, and for Judah more than anyone else.

In Toy Story One Buzz Lightyear, is a toy astronaut with an identity complex.  You see, Buzz thinks he is a real superhero and does not know he is a toy.  As the story begins we see Buzz comparing himself to, and competing with, the other characters for Andy the toy owners love.  Buzz denies his obvious weakness, then rationalizes and justifies his failures to the point of the absurd until one day he sees himself on a television commercial and is confronted with truth.  

Never the less he seizes upon his powers of denial, pulls himself together and once again tries to fly only to fall with less style than ever and loses an arm.

In the next scene we see a broken and dejected Buzz drinking Darjeeling tea with a bunch of headless dolls in Andy’s sisters’ room. 

His friends try to rescue his shattered self-worth but to no avail.  Buzz must go through the fiery process of transformation and discovery of his true identity. 

Fast forward to the conclusion, we see Buzz rallying a bunch of broken toys to overcome the wiles of the evil Sid and save the day. In the end He becomes a real super hero but within the context of brokenness and in partnership with those who had also been broken.

The paradoxical truth is that everyone’s true identity is found amidst thier brokenness. Everything else is a facade. That brokenness usually comes packaged as a loss. It might be found in a full revelation of Ephesians 2:1-10. Or in the context of an addiction, a disease, a prison sentence or any other tragedy that shatters our silly narcissistic, illusions about ourselves. No sermon, no apologetic argument, no amount of proof will change the mind let alone the heart of the unbroken. The good news is that the blessing is in the brokenness. That includes the blessing that God has for us as well as the blessing that we can be to others. True anointing does not come with gifting or celebrity. True anointing is conferred by God within brokenness.

I’m no prophet but I can clearly see the anointing on Judah the Lion Man. While so many others must make the journey through their brokenness. Judah was born into his. His legs may not be working at this time, but he is farther along in his walk than many who are ten times his age. He is living up to the heritage contained in his name. He is Judah blessed by God to walk in the spiritual footsteps of Jacob and Jesus the Lion of Judah. You are not a broken toy Judah. You are Lion Man. You will aleays be a superhero in our eyes. Now kick that lying devil out of your head and get back to being the super hero that brings laughter and joy to everyone you meet and above all Glory to your Maker. You have alot to teach us.

MARANATHA

Brian and Cathy Gray Sum-Mo, Tennessee

Till The End of Age

Recovering Hearts is a women’s recovery and discipleship program located on the Holston property in Greeneville TN. Cathy and I have the unique privilege of volunteering there. We see a woman individually two or three days a week and run a process group on Fridays. The people in our congregation see them twice a week at church and have occasional opportunities to fellowship with them. Aside from the full-time Recovering Hearts staff, most people do not have the privilege of seeing and hearing their struggles and victories should they choose to endure and overcome them. Sadly many are deceived into quitting just before the breakthrough. From our perspective, those who do overcome have a revelation of Mathew 16:24.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

As I’ve said, while I may have been a professional substance abuse treatment counselor by trade and Cathy and I ran a transitional house for prison inmates, our former brokenness is what qualifies us to work with these ladies whom we regard as treasurers of gold. We get to be gold miners digging and panning for gold. Sometimes we liken our being here to Marshal Tucker’s song Fire on the Mountain.

And there’s fire on the mountain
Lightening in the air
Gold in them hills and it’s waiting for me there.

Sometimes fire on the mountain
Lightening in the air looks like an episode of the Jerry Springer Show as sandpaper sisters get triggered amid process group. These tend to be the best and most healing groups of all as they end in personal ownership of issues, disclosing past traumas, and prayer. It’s beautiful to watch in the context of Proverbs 14:4.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

Today marks two years since Cathy and I arrived in Greeneville. We’ve met with a lot of women during that time and heard details of trauma beyond anything many people can imagine. Things like being trafficked and chained in basements to be abused by both men and women. Several have been subjected to some of the worst religious abuse by fathers and pastors who just happened to be methheads and pedophiles. It is a sheer miracle that any of them would be willing to trust Jesus. We’ve heard stories of being nailed into wooden boxes to be transported overseas only to be miraculously rescued by the hand of God. Many have been clinically dead from Fentanyl overdoses multiple times. Thus far the record is six before the age of twenty-six. They have been imprisoned and homeless fighting off predators and pimps, beaten nearly to death by husbands and boyfriends they were terrified to leave. They’ve lost children – sometimes forever. Some have shot up friends and lovers with intravenous drugs only to watch them die. Quite often we see that having given in to these requests to shoot up friends produces the kind of guilt that results in suicidal ideation.  And this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg under which they must persevere each day.

While the community at large often recognizes passion and fervency as these women worship, they may not know the intensity of the battle within as they are asked to submit to God and the leadership He has appointed over them. The struggle to raise one’s hands in submission to God might be a real battle for a woman who’s default definition of submission is being chained to a wall to be brutally beaten and raped. That said, how often do we recognize, let alone appreciate them for the women warriors they are or the intensity of the spiritual battle that accompanies hanging in there for just one more day? It is such an honor and blessing to be part of Recovering Hearts where we get to witness women who refuse to fake it till they make it but are willing to be real so that – and until – they can heal. We think there is so much that the body of Christ could learn from them. Especially those who remain safely hidden behind a facade of a smile, histrionic spirituality, or worldly success. Never have we seen a group so willing to be so honest and so raw and yet so willing to take responsibility for their sins and repent, than the women warriors at Recovering Hearts. We love these women more than they could know. And while this is just a snapshot, we hope that you will know that love as well. 

In case you were wondering what prompted me to write this blog post; it was Summer. If you know her – then you know her. If you don’t, you should. She writes the most amazing poems and spoken word. She asked me if I would post this poem on a blog. And while you might never suspect that such an insightful, wise, loving, gregarious, and talented person might struggle with feeling rejected; she does. All we can say is that if you don’t know Summer and the rest of the women whom we do not have permission to name, then it is you who are missing out. Here is Summer’s poem about the loneliness that comes with dying to self and the courage and perseverance required to begin walking in faith instead of sight.

Til The End of Age

Straight ahead and at the fork turn right
I fear I’ll get lost for the end of the road isn’t in sight.
I question each curve and exit along the way
Wondering which town am I to rest and stay?
A weary traveler running from the dead.
The lost loner seeking God up ahead.
When I first started I was excited for the journey.
Now I’ve grown old, heartbroken, and dirty.
Every step feels like the wrong path to take.
Every decision is the wrong one to make.
But thank God your thoughts are higher than mine.
Your blessings and plans have no time.
When I am broken and defeated within
Your love God, guides me to the very end.

We say “Amen sister!” Mathew 24:13

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Tennessee

Abidinary

One who abides in the vine.

Someone recently asked us what “Abidinaries” means. It’s the name I assigned our website after writing Peeling the Onion and Learning to Abide from the mountains of Honduras. Our time on the foreign mission field was an ever-deepening death to ourselves and consecration to the Lord as we learned to wait and abide in Jesus. John 15:1-17 While we definitely helped others overseas, God’s true purpose in sending us was to teach us to abide. Hence the name Gray Hope Missionaries became

Gray Hope Abidinaries.

“Gray Hope” is a play on words. The name Gray means hope. Gray is the space between black and white, darkness and light. Hope occupies the space between believing and manifestation. We need all the hope we can get.

After nearly four years at a children’s home in Comayagua Honduras, God placed us deep in the mountains at the proverbial entrance of the Leviticus 8:35 tent to wait so that what He was birthing in us would not die. I’ve written about our wilderness experience in, What Will You Bring? I figure some may be tired of hearing it so I’m not going to rehash it all now. The relevant point here is that today we must contend for quiet time. I’d be lying if I said we don’t miss the simplicity and stillness of our wilderness.

One task set before us today has been to carry the lessons and stillness of the wilderness into the chaos. Today I work as a Shift Supervisor at Holston Home for Children. I serve 10-12 staff. Crisis management for sixty kids is my primary function. For the most part that means dealing with runaways, suicidal/homicidal ideation, self-harm, kids who break things and throw things, kids who fight staff or each other and need to be restrained. On quiet days I wash dishes. I liken my job to loving Sid from Toy Story 1.  Suffice it to say, I’ve learned more about the Father’s heart here than any other time or place in my life.

It is within the chaos of traumatized, delinquent, and very broken youth that the mission field exists. I love my job. Frankly, I don’t understand why more genuine Christ followers aren’t rushing to fill the seemingly forever-vacant positions here.

Maybe you will…

For the record, I occasionally document our life circumstances and thoughts in case some great, great, great-grandchild, nephew, or niece wonders about their ancestral roots as I do. In addition, we have friends and former followers while we were in Honduras who may be wondering where we went and what we are doing now.

A Snapshot

I put in a forty-hour work week in three days. The rest of the time Cathy and I are involved with a women’s addiction recovery program, jail ministry, the Bible study that drives this blog, and we counsel married couples. We aren’t licensed professionals. Our primary qualification is the brokenness that God transformed into His blessing.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 2 Cor 1:3-5

We live the abundant life. That abundance is found in

Abididing.

It is the intimate awareness of our littleness that positions us to witness what only God can do. The longer we are in ministry the more we realize that we are simply along for the ride. The only consistent thing for which we can take partial credit is showing up. Prov 28:20 I say “partial” because even the breath in our lungs is a gift from God. It is faithfulness in small things that is itself a gift that frees us from the illusions of worldly success, the oh-so-burdensome need of being seen and heard, the bondage of man-pleasing and the ravenous self that Jesus requires all His disciples to deny. Mat 16:24

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off. Isaiah 55:8-13

It’s been just over two years since God brought us back to the States. As we have learned, some people thought we left after the landslide in 2020. But we continued our mission for over a year until God moved us. I say this because there is a profound difference between running to a place versus running away from one. We never wanted to return to the USA. We returned because God called us to East Tennessee. March 1st makes exactly two years since we arrived in Greeneville. There’s not a doubt in our minds that we heard God correctly. He has us exactly where He wants us and we love it because we are in His will.

Still, we had a pretty good sense of what lay ahead as we stood by that river in Cerro Azul Honduras. Bits of debris from our house swept away in a landslide exactly one year before lay strewn around us as I wept tears of sadness and joy with my bride. There was sadness because an amazing chapter filled with wonder and adventure beyond our wildest dreams was drawing to a close. We had joy because He was calling us to a new chapter with His American bride for whom He had given us a fresh love and burden. On that day we resolved before God that as messy as things might be, we would not give a platform to offense. We would continue to be faithful in the ministry of reconciliation to which every believer is called 2 Cor 5:11-20 and vowed not to compromise the truth.

Points to Ponder

One thing that is clear about the American bride that hardly anyone wants to discuss is that she is utterly ridden with sin. Quite often people conceal their sins from themselves and others by taking offense at the sins of others.

Ponder that…

One of the things we most appreciate about the populations with whom we work is their transparency. As Cathy puts it, “Their dirty laundry is hung out for everyone to see.” Inmates, addicts, and delinquent children are society’s scapegoats. Those who have had the role of scapegoat imposed upon them are often quite good at spotting a facade. Cages get rattled when they do. Society regards that rattling as rude and insensitive and dishonoring.  Meanwhile, facades usually subconsciously affirm other facades. We call this being polite, loving and honoring. Long story short, loving politeness and honor is one reason why we end up with porn addicts, pedophiles, and narcissists in pulpits because we regard gifting, and popularity as proof of Godliness.

No I will not elaborate. That is Holy Spirit’s job.

At the end of the day, God can work with transparent sin. Hidden sin requires a Heb 12 shaking. That shaking is here. We are in a season marked by the choice between judging ourselves followed by genuine repentance or God’s judgment beginning with exposure and public shame.

Here in the US we see utterly broken believers seeking a platform that will usher them into an illusory “next level”. Stuck in denial of their depravity, they fail to understand that higher in the kingdom means lower in the world. True ministry begins and ends with brokenness, and more likely scorn and rejection instead of the esteem and glory they covet from men. Jesus warned about seeking the esteem of men.

“Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets. Luke 6:26

Unfortunately, many remain completely unaware of their own facade. As one friend recently put it,

“I literally didn’t know I was fake!!”

That one revelation opened the door to some of the most profound healing and transformation by the hand of God that we have had the privilege of witnessing to date.

Here’s the Hook

Many today are offended by any idea or mention of the word judgment. Hence some may find themselves tempted to take offense at my words. However, the season of judgment whereby we are invited to judge ourselves so that we may not be judged 1 Cor 11:31 is an invitation to peel the proverbial onion of self. Whereas peeling the onion initially meant peeling back layers of trauma, offense, selfishness, self-centeredness, and the resulting sin – peeling the onion for us today looks like simple course correction minus the anger, shame, frustration, and tears. It yields freedom, joy, and peace as we witness God orchestrate His perfect eternal will in every moment of every day without our needing to take credit or blame.

Nothing affirms our true identity in Christ like the apprehension of one’s littleness.

Pale Blue Dot is a photograph of Earth taken on February 14, 1990, by the Voyager 1 space probe from an unprecedented distance of approximately 6 billion kilometers (3.7 billion miles).

How minuscule are the giftings, accomplishments, esteem, and offenses of men? Ecc 12

Every believer is called to the ministry of reconciliation that God has given us. 2 Cor 5:11-20 The only way this will happen is if we are first reconciled to God. One proof of this is that we regard no one after the flesh. Facades are always of the flesh and can never be reconciled let alone abide in the vine. John 15:4-11 Hence when counseling individuals and couples, we always impart the wisdom of Captain Kike former Chief of Security at one of the jails in which I was once housed,

“Don’t fake it till you make it. Be real till you heal.”

If you do this and are reconciled to God and those whom you have offended and been offended by,  then you will know the patience, peace, and freedom of not being trapped by offense. You will not regret or be ashamed of the past. Nor will you want to shut the door on it. You will witness God using all that the devil meant for harm for your good and His glory. You will see God’s mercy in your prior suffering. You will recognize that the blessing is in the brokenness and abundance in abiding.

Anyway, that’s what we are up to these days. These are our circumstances and the thoughts we are thinking. Lord willing, we plan to be back to our regular Acts 17:11 Bereans Bible study posts next week.

We love you guys!

Maranatha!

Appalachian Trail
Brian and Cathy Gray Commentary, Tennessee

Husbands Love Your Wives

Cathy and I have functioned as pastoral counselors in one form or another for almost twenty years. Today we serve Recovering Hearts and married couples at the Rock Church.

There is a divine order or alignment in marriage and families. When that order is out of alignment, marriages have problems.

We frequently hear people say “Marriage is hard”. That may be true. But we are here to say that it doesn’t have to be that way. 

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33

The Bible exhorts Husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Historically, the church has mainly emphasized the submission of wives. There are a multitude of factors that helped distort God’s blueprint for marriage. Suffice it to say that today the words “submit” and “gave up” connote a power struggle instead of God’s intended catalyst for oneness with Him in and through each other. Cathy and I often liken a biblical marriage to a triangle where the closer the husband and wife grow to God the closer they grow to together, and vice versa.

The first order of business in following Jesus is to “deny self” Mat 16:24. We give everything to Jesus and get far more in return. The same principle applies in marriage. So many struggle in their faith because their worldview is framed by “My will be done in Jesus’ name.” Instead of “Thy will be done.” period. Similarly, the root of many if not most problems in marriage is that one or both parties are to some degree, living out of their own expectations rather than surrendering to God’s expectations. Marriage is really hard if one spouse does this. It’s downright miserable when both do it.

While the diagram above assumes the wife as the victim, husbands are victims too. It is worth noting that physical and or emotional neglect is also a form of abuse. One thing is certain, violence left unchecked only grows in severity.  If one or more spouses are engaging in any of the above then the marriage is plagued by domestic violence.

Seek help!

That said, as a husband, you are your wife’s covering. If a gunman crashes through your front door he’s going to have to go through you to get to your wife. That’s a hyperbolic illustration of the true meaning of the husband is the head of the wife. Eph 5:23  A husband’s authority is proportional to his willingness to give himself up. A wife’s obedience to God by submitting to her husband must first be modeled by her husband’s submission to God. In the context of our biblical marriage counseling sessions, the husband confronts his own issues first. “But what if the husband is doing everything right?” you ask.  It doesn’t matter.

Jesus did everything right too.

That’s not a proverbial “get out of jail free card” for the wife. Rather we have seen God work miracles in marriages and children the very moment that both spouses submit to God and step into the alignment He established before the foundations of the world. We don’t begin with the husband’s junk simply because the wife is the weaker vessel. 1 Peter 3:7-10 We begin this way because while the husband can align with God regardless of what His wife does. The same can not be as easily said of the wife who remains uncovered by her husband.

Once again, when a man and woman are joined together in Holy Matrimony it is representative of Christ’s marriage to His bride the church. The wife submits to her husband and the husband gives himself up for his bride. The husband stands in direct submission to God. The wife submits to and through her husband. Eph 5:22-33 This is not a power differential that results in a position of inferiority for the wife. Rather it is one of tremendous honor and a model for the divine alignment established by God. Gen 2:18-25 1 Cor 11:1-3  How wonderful and valuable is the bride for whom the groom would so gladly lay down his life? Unfortunately, many spouses compete with each other. Healthy submission in biblical marriage can be likened to a waltz or couples figure skating and should leave the observer wondering who is submitting to whom. Toes are inevitably stepped on as we learn the marriage dance. The dance only improves over time provided we refuse to be offended and walk in perpetual and unconditional forgiveness.

Once again submission begins with denying self.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Mat 16:24

Deny is aparnéomai – to utterly, disown, abstain, to affirm that one has no acquaintance or connection with someone, to forget one‘s self, and lose sight of one‘s self and one‘s own interests.

That’s counterintuitive in contemporary culture where people compete to have their needs met and to be seen and heard. If this is the primary driver in your life then,

Don’t get married.

Give yourself time to grow up.

Again there is a long history that has resulted in the perversion of the word “submission”. Unfortunately, much of the church, especially the church in the South has deep roots of religious abuse justified by a lopsided interpretation of scriptures like Eph 5:22, Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1, etc. Wives submit to their husbands! We can sprinkle Jesus on our skewed interpretations of scripture and resulting abuse all we like. At the end of the day, abuse by any other name is still abuse and an abomination to God. Some of the stories of religious abuse we’ve heard are horrifying.  It’s no wonder that so many married couples in the body of Christ are struggling. Hence it is the responsibility of men in the church to actively bring healing, correction, and a restored covering to Satan’s primary targets, namely the institution of marriage and His bride the church. As men, we begin by applying these principles to ourselves. Do not be fearful.

Do not procrastinate.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord. Prov 18:22

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm 127: 3-5

To whom much is given, much is required. Luke 12:41-48

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Cor 13:4-7

Anyone paying attention to events taking place in ministries like IHOPKC and FAI to name just a few should see that we are in a time to pluck up, a time to tear down. Ecc 3:2-3 It is a season of judgment.

For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? 1 Pet 4:17

Don’t wait for God’s judgment that brings public exposure and humiliation for the abuse of the sin you thought no one else knew about. Don’t wait to heal and correct that which you have put off in the hope that it would miraculously disappear. All wounds heal or they fester.

For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. 1 Cor 11:31

May we all embrace. Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

MARANATHA

Brian and Cathy Gray Bible study, Tennessee

The Potter’s Wheel

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:1-5

Peter begins chapter five with the subject of elders. He follows with how they should guide others. Not domineering over those in your charge, but being an example to the flock was highlighted in our last Acts 17:11 Bereans Bible study. 1 Timothy 3 also lists the qualifications for epískopos elders (overseers, bishops head pastors, etc.). Epískopos is the word from which supervisor is derived. He must be

above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive… 1 Tim 3:2-4

One thing seems certain. Left to ourselves and the ways that seem right to us Prov 14:12 we simply parent as we were parented and lead the way we were led.

What were the circumstances within which you came to know Jesus? How and by whom were you discipled? Consider that God is the potter. We are the clay. Isaiah 64:8 The circumstances He orchestrates or allows are the potter’s wheel upon which He conforms us. Rom 8:29

The wheel upon which The Potter has and is conforming me includes having been a delinquent teen, in active addiction, being a US Marine, and then a prison inmate. As a Christian, all of that translated to prison/addiction ministry and working with delinquent teens. Rom 8:28 I sometimes wonder how different I would be had I have been subjected to different circumstances. In a time when truth is qualified by its sweetness, Isaiah 30:9-10 I find myself increasingly prone to an abruptness that might be mistaken for apathy or even offense. Truth rooted in love may indeed be sweet. But so is deception. Hence the older I get the more I am convinced that sometimes truth spoken “in love” looks like an allegorical speed bump. Prov 27:5-6

Speed bumps are rough around the edges from years of being misunderstood and overrun. They aim to slow people down and take note of the car they nearly hit. Still, many are offended by speed bumps. Speed bumps have extensive knowledge of and experience with self-sacrifice. They save the lives of people who run them over, then curse them for disrupting their peace. Speed bumps are by nature brutally honest and politically incorrect. Still, they epitomize patience as they take hit after hit and never hit back. Curse them if you must. But speed bumps won’t budge. They are rooted in steel and cemented to rock.

The Diary of a Speed Bump

His name was Jeremy. He was 80 and had been a missionary in Honduras for over 40 years. He looked me up and down and asked, “So what do you do?” then cut me off before I could speak.  “You see all these people here? All they talk about is themselves and what they do! No one talks about the Bible!” he said in apparent disgust.

“I’m a speed bump,” he blurted.

I stared not knowing what to say.  “You know what? You’re a speed bump too,”

“I can see it in your eyes.”

I was in prison the last time I’d heard that.

It’s been over 25 years since I was arrested and sent to jail. It was the lowest point of my life. Yet it was God’s mercy. It ultimately became a testimony of God’s forgiveness, love, and transformative power. It is an ongoing well of empathy and wisdom in ministry to inmates and addicts. It is a point of connection and qualification with those who have experienced social death otherwise known as incarceration. It’s a source of discernment and authority to call a spade a spade.

The prison experience can be hard to describe to someone who has never been there. I liken it to a movie trailer for Eternity in Hell. As in the Eagle’s song Hotel California, people check out but the majority never really leave.  The only way out of the revolving door of recidivism is in the words of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn,

To resolve to “live not by lies.”  

Rump -Thump – Discordant Bump

No one likes a speed bump.

“Hey, you know – I was thinking?…”

began my three-hundred-pound Samoan bunkie named Paniani, “I wouldn’t wann-ahh…do or say anything that would make someone wanna kill me when I got out…” The implication was clear and made more poignant by the fact that on the previous day, we learned that another Christ-professing inmate friend was found dead, shot in the back of the head execution-style in the parking lot behind his church.  

He’d been out less than a week.

A day or two later, a guy who’d already done 20 years for murder stopped me in the passageway and said, “Hey Gray, You know what my favorite part about shooting people is?” “What’s that?” I replied. It’s sticking this finger in the bullet hole.” he pressed his forefinger hard into my chest and laughed. I stared blankly not knowing what to say.  “But don’t worry ain’t nobody body gonna mess with you…

…in here.” He grinned.

“I can see it in your eyes.”

But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. 1 Peter 4:15

While I went to jail because I was evil. My life was threatened in jail because I changed sides and became a genuine Christian. In a word, I refused to live by lies. That made me a target. I had to watch everyone and everything. That included anticipating when and how I might be set up or trapped into getting sent to maximum security where I’d be “suicided” – strung from the rafters and made to look like I’d hung myself. I learned to depend on Jesus quickly.

Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. 1 Pet 4:16

I was three years into a five-year sentence when I finally surrendered to the Way, Truth, and Life. John 14:6 More than anything, I was on fire for Truth. “Deny self, pick up your cross and follow me” meant exactly that. So did the last part of Rev 12:11 that many Christians redact. “…and they loved not their lives onto death” My motto became, “If you want me shut up then kill me.” In my view God gave his only begotten son to remove the body of death that hung around my neck. I’d had a clear view of how wretched I was and a revelation of the hell from which I’d been saved. Why should I fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul? Mat 10:28

Anything beyond the cross was ancillary.

I make no apologies for being a speed bump. That being said, there are times when I have confused a speed bump with a proverbial baseball bat. I must always be willing to consider where, when, and how my background might lead me to extremes in perception, belief, and the resulting behavior. One of my greatest challenges is that my intensity is often mistaken for anger or offense. In my zeal, I can appear domineering or overbearing. That is not my desire or intention and I’m working on that. I give permission to call me on it, and to question my attitude and approach. I need to remember that not everyone came to the Lord with such an intense revelation of their wretchedness and fast-approaching point of no return. That I needed to be hit in the head with a proverbial baseball bat (actually a shotgun blast) for truth to sink in does not mean that everyone does. In fact, the approach God used to save me might destroy another. I make no apologies for the truth that I have spoken. Yet if the tone in which it was or is ever communicated has resulted in anyone being offended then I apologize. I need to do a better job of learning and understanding the Potter’s wheels upon which others are being conformed. That said, I am not writing this out of a desire to gain the approval of man. I am doing so from a place of sincere fear of the Lord.

A great shaking is is upon us.

For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? 1 Pet 4:1

Mathew 18:6

But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world. 1 Cor 11:31-32

See that you do not refuse Him who speaks. For if they did not escape who refused Him who spoke on earth, much more shall we not escape if we turn away from Him who speaks from heaven, whose voice then shook the earth; but now He has promised, saying, “Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven.” Now this, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain. Heb 12:25-27

Exposure is a first step in God’s judgment. God’s judgment is an aspect of His discipline that should lead to repentance. Its purpose is the preparation of a spotless bride. Eph 5:25-33

See that you do not refuse Him when shakes you.

Maranatha!

Brian and Cathy Gray Tennessee, Uncategorized

The Most Wonderful Woman

It’s been exactly two years since I posted The Most Incredible Woman. We were in Honduras and it was Cathy’s birthday. 

We’d lost everything we owned in a landslide just two days before. Most people are baffled that the experience of losing all but our lives and being rendered homeless in the third world became one of the greatest blessings of our lives. Still, I had nothing to give her on her birthday. Nothing that would sufficiently express my love and gratitude that she is my wife. I wanted to tell the world about God’s goodness that is expressed in and through my bride. I did my best in a blog. I am attempting to do the same now.

Today is Cathy’s birthday

But I feel like it’s mine because she is the greatest gift that Lord has ever given me.  I may have more in the way of material things to give her this year. But nothing compares to what she has given me.

Our marriage is our ministry.

That’s what I tell people, especially young couples prone to the temptation of seeking their own significance in Jesus’s name. 

Quite often the message falls on deaf ears.

Ephesians 5 begins with Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children...and concludes with the mystery of one flesh that is marriage.  And while the church has often emphasized Wives, submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord, sometimes to the point of abuse, the overarching emphasis is Husbands, love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  The chapter concludes with


“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”.

There is no better or faster way to touch the heart of God and the mystery of Christ’s relationship with His church than in the context of marriage -no easier way to comprehend what God is doing in and through us the Bride of Christ.

The Rhino Refugee Camp 2016

We were in Northern Uganda ministering to South Sudanese refugees from yet another civil war. I was a videographer consumed with a self-appointed mission to be a voice for the voiceless. Naturally, I assumed Jesus had called me to teach South Sudanese orphans how to film. 

I Did.

I usually tell people that all I did in Harvest school was repent. The Lord had been stripping me of the idolatry of “my” ministry and “my” purpose when we got to Uganda.  Cathy was oblivious to the struggle that I could not articulate at the time and has an entirely different recollection. But I saw it as the lowest point in our marriage. Not because of any discernable problem between us. Rather what God showed me about myself revealed an inner jerk that Cathy had not seen. It made me fear for my marriage.  Alas the love of God shines brightest amid our repentance.

Ironically

At the end of the outreach, one of the base leaders asked these war-torn, traumatized children to say how each of the missionaries had impacted them.  Naturally, I expected to hear about videography. Instead, they unanimously agreed that they were most affected by our marriage.  They “saw how Cathy and I loved each other” and

“They wanted what we had”.

Our marriage is our ministry.

Everything else flows from there.

If you’ve read The Most Beautiful Woman then you know that Cathy was the forerunner in our mission work. I am Cathy’s husband – her covering. I was more like Joseph with Mary as she bore the Lamb of God.

On the mission field I never completely transcended my tendency to be the proverbial watchman on the wall always on patrol and or the one who just wants to ‘git er done. That’s fine when you have to haul hundred-pound bags of beans or sheets of tin roofing up the side of a mountain filled with potential banditos. But missions is about relationship, not just humanitarian projects. At the end of the day; who cares how many people you feed or house if the occupants are going to hell?

Thank God for my beautiful wife.

Where I am prone to bulldoze the one for sake of the mission, Cathy invariably stops for the one.

Honduras 2008

That said, she’ll bulldoze through whatever she must to get to the one.

Honduras 2020
Seley is a Lenca Indian girl with Cerebral Palsy.

Everywhere she goes she connects with others, especially children out of a pure and child-like heart.

Palestinian 7th graders in the Negev.
Cathy and her best friend Keisy in Honduras, 2020.

I had no intention of ever marrying again when I met Cathy. We became friends when she heard I might be her key to getting into the jail to minister. “Hi I’m Cathy” she began. “I heard you can tell me how to get into the jail.” “depends on how long you want to stay there…” I almost joked. We started ministering at the jail every Thursday night. Soon after we began hiking together.  She’d been fasting for ten days on the first hike. It was sixteen miles on the Kalalau trail on Kauai where we lived. She handled it like a Marine. Suffice it to say, I was more than a little impressed. Nine months later, we were engaged.

Only Cathy would marry a crazy guy like me to spend the next 12 years living with inmates and their children and then tell people that she

felt privileged and spoiled because of it.

I often joke that I had a crush on Marcia Brady as a kid.

I would have fallen head over heels in love with Cathy if I had met her as a kid.

By the grace of God, she didn’t meet me as a kid…

If you spend any time at all with Cathy then you know she is super sensitive to Holy Spirit, and she often cries when she worships, reads, or speaks God’s word, especially when speaking to those who don’t know they need Jesus.  

Make no mistake she is the reason for any favor I have with the Lord.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. Prov 18:22

Like a lot of parents with adult children these days we have a son who for reasons unknown to us abruptly stopped talking to her three years ago. It hurts me to watch her suffer as only a mother can.

I’m writing this in hope that he reads it.

But also to dispel any illusion that might lead people to believe we have all our proverbial ducks in a row.

We are just little children. 1 John 2

We have found that God teaches us various aspects of Himself through the process of our becoming identified with His heart via circumstances and relationships. Like Mary with Jesus in the movie The Passion of the Christ,

Sometimes Cathy struggles to let go.

Then she does it with patience, forgiveness, and grace.

She loves her son from a distance and prays that God will soften his heart.

It’s what God did and does with us.

After God and people, Cathy loves anything related to horses. We used to do equine-assisted discipleship at the children’s home where we lived for three years in Honduras.  As is the case with people Cathy was drawn to the most broken unwanted albeit ornery teenage horse named Diablo (the devil).

We renamed him Mr. Botangles.

A few fun facts that few people know about Cathy are that she was the Hawaii state Karate champion, she taught Kareem Abdul Jabar to windsurf, and taught our missionary dog Mariposa Loca to swim.

I could go on about all the things I love about my beautiful, fiery, passionate, insanely forgiving, Holy Spirit-filled wife and how she never ceases to amaze me – all the myriad things I have learned by simply watching her…  Still, there is one thing that I miss. 

I miss seeing the world through her eyes.

While video production was my forte.  Cathy loved still photography.  Her camera went everywhere with her on the mission field until it was swept away in the landslide. Photography is an easy way to connect with people in the third world if for no other reason than many people have never seen a photograph of themselves or their family.

Cathy never missed an opportunity

She has an uncanny ability to peer into people’s eyes and capture their souls.  Unfortunately, nearly five years’ worth of photos were buried under the mud. Thankfully I produced and uploaded this slideshow just before the mountain came down. 

If it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye then you might to want check if you still have a pulse.

I plan to see through her eyes again starting today.

Regular readers may be scratching their heads especially since I am so prone to rant over life-sucking self-centeredness and narcissism in the body of Christ.

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
    a stranger, and not your own lips. Proverbs 27:2

I am ranting over the awesomeness of my bride the way I believe Jesus will one day rant over His.

For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. Isaiah 62:5

I’m trying to articulate my gratitude to God for the gift He has given me. As usual, words do not suffice

It is through my marriage to Cathy that Jesus teaches me the most about His heart for His bride. It is through her being my bride that Cathy models what it means to be a bride. That is part of the mystery.

and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Mark 10:8

It is in the context of marriage that the depth of God’s endgame is revealed. The realized Kingdom of Heaven is a marriage.

Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
 and his Bride has made herself ready; Revelation 19:7

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price. Revelation 22:17

And while you don’t have to be married to know and love Jesus, let alone be loved by Him, marriage is the foundation of any Christian community. As far as “community” is concerned, a given Christian community is only as healthy as its marriages.

Everything else flows from there.

As for me, I remain joyfully mesmerized by my bride. It is because of Cathy that I even have a clue as to what it means to love and be loved. It is in her presence that I can most easily appropriate the love of God which is His presence.

Thank you Jesus for my bride!