Growing Down in East Tennessee

In case you haven’t heard The Garden has been planted. The Garden is a Holston Home for Children transitional home for graduates of the Recovering Hearts program for women. Cathy and I are the appointed stewards. Ideally, the women at The Garden will be partners in that stewardship.

The Backstory

History is important if for no other reason than it reveals our roots and God’s hand in forming them.

Cathy and I were married in February 2005. The timing was largely driven by a mutual call to serve what some describe as “The least of these”. That is inmates, addicts, and their children.

Our marriage began in a faith-based, coed transitional home that we named Live Again the Walk Inc. The idea was that we are born again. We then have to learn to live again. We crawl before we walk. The essential paradigm remains the same for The Garden. I covered a lot of our transitional housing resume in How For Go and For The Love of Pua.

Suffice it to say that after twelve years of living with five to ten inmates and sometimes their children, we had a pretty clear revelation of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 3.

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.
So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.

1 Corinthians 3:6-9

The Garden

We left Hawaii for the Harvest School of Missions in Pemba, Mozambique, in 2016, then became full-time missionaries in Honduras. Nearly six years later, we landed in Greeneville, Tennessee. I began working with dependent, neglected, sometimes delinquent youth at Holston Home, where I currently serve as a Shift Supervisor. One day out of the blue, Cathy said, “I don’t know why. But I see us living on a farm that someone is going to ask us to care take.” I have learned through the years to pay attention when my wife says things like that. Still, we never breathed a word about it to anyone. A month later we met Mary Bernal.

Mary

Mary is a criminal defense lawyer in California. She is full of love and joy and hope and perseverance and…did I say hope? She’s also a bit prophetic. She had purchased the farm, site unseen because God told her to. Anyone who knows me knows I am, shall we say, Biblically skeptical  1 Thess 5:20-21 when it comes to prophecy. “I see you and Brian living here,” Mary said.

“Yeeahh… I don’t see that.”, I told Cathy.

Mary did her best to bring about her vision to help broken women. Still, God’s timing is key. So is Proverbs 3:5-8. Patience is a fruit and God uses our circumstances to develop it.

Fast forward… 

Two years later, Holston President Bradley Williams asked to speak with me in his office. He and Able Carrico, the Pastor of the Rock Church also located on the Holston property, had been ceded control of the farm by Mary to be used as they saw fit. Neither of these men would ever do anything as THEY see fit and so they prayed. Both heard from the Lord that Cathy and I should be the ones to run whatever the farm would become.

“I’ve heard this before.” I said.

Bradley didn’t know what the farm should be used for at that point and asked me to pray.

I did.

Long story short, the Lord gave me a burden for another transition home for the Recovering Hearts women. Cathy had been patiently waiting for me to catch the vision. She jumped for joy when I finally did. I made this video to help Mary raise funds for some needed construction on what at that time was called The Glory Farm. Anyone confused about the definition of transitional housing should take the time to watch it.

For whatever reason, God did not provide the donors she’d hoped for. So, Mary being Mary, didn’t give up. She spent the bulk of her personal savings so the vision could come to fruition. That said, I had told the featured Recovering Hearts women, that the video was for “an Easter surprise.”  Turns out I wasn’t far off. The construction was completed. The official opening date was April 10th, 2025.

So why was it named The Garden? Ironically we were visiting family on our old home turf, The Garden Island, otherwise known as Kauai Hawaii, when Bradley texted us and told us he thought the Lord was telling him we should name the upcoming Greeneville Tennessee transition home The Garden.

“Sounds prophetic,” I said.

Turns out it was.

The new garden beds at the Garden are ready now that the ladies have been planted.
Flowers going in at Garden. Cathy loves to plant and water.

As I said in the video, a transition home is “real life with training wheels”. I explain the paradigm in the context of parenting.  The first stage is discipline, followed by coaching and friendship. Recovering Hearts is the discipline phase. The Garden is a place for coaching and friendship. The expectation is that residents are willing and able to receive and heed wise counsel and then discipline themselves. It sounds simple enough. The truth is that many, if not most, could have been dependent – neglected children living at the Holston Home for Children. Trauma lenses don’t change overnight. There are gaps in education and experience with life skills. Institutionalization and unconscious entitlement must be identified and patiently addressed as women learn to apply what God showed them in Recovering Hearts.

The First Supper at The Garden

The first shall be last…

Another lesson the Lord has taught us through the years of which I often speak is that

God does not need me to do anything. He puts me in a position to serve because it is the best place for me to learn what He has to teach and conform me. Don’t ask why is this happening Lord? Ask what are you doing in me Lord?

That said, anyone who has received counsel from us has heard my speech about knowing one’s limits and setting healthy boundaries. I’ve talked about the importance of stillness and rest ad infinitum. It dawns on me as I write that I am a complete hypocrite. Then again, sometimes we teach what we need to learn. The truth is I only rest when rest is imposed upon me. I’ve been working nonstop, full throttle for at least two months without a break. Ironically we had just discussed our experience with waiting periods imposed by God in the small group that Cathy and I attend. Several people expressed their frustration with waiting.

“Man, I would love to have another waiting period!!” I said.

The very next day I was cutting logs for the base layer of the planters featured in the featured photo. I’d just completed a 60-hour work week at Holston. It was hot and I was tired from mowing and cutting and hauling logs when I decided to cut a dead tree on a slope in the field. I’ve been using chainsaws since I was ten and I always make an escape plan should something go wrong. This time I didn’t. The tree rolled, I jumped, and caught the still-turning blade on my knee. A favorite quote echoed through my mind as wondered if I would bleed out limping up the hill.

Stupid is as stupid does!

-Forest Gump-

The surgeon told me I’d cut through the joint capsule, a tendon that stabilizes the patella tendon and trimmed the meniscus.

The last shall be first.

Now, here I sit, waiting and being served by the very women I came to serve. Cindy shoveled the chicken coup yesterday after church. It was the next job on my punch list.

Currently, we have thirty-two hens and three roosters.

Foghorn Leghorn

Apparently, chainsaw injuries are also effective catalysts for food and fellowship.

Spontaneous outbreaks of worship may also result.

So often I hear those in prison and addiction recovery ministries refer to those they serve as “The least of these” in reference to the words of Jesus in Mathew 25. In our experience, what others call “the least” frequently turns out to be the greatest among us. The one thing everyone featured in the photos above has in common is that, at one point, every one of us was broken. We can not think of anyone with whom we would rather partner as we learn to steward God’s gift which is The Garden.

One thing is certain. Life on earth is full of transitions. Life in the flesh is a circle. We are born dependent. We move through stages of fleshly independence and interdependence accompanied by illusions of personal significance. We end in a state of utter dependence on others. All residual pride is slain. I believe that one of God’s purposes in all of this is that we learn to be

Independently dependent on Him.

That seems to be His primary goal and purpose for The Garden.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Once again God has placed me in a position where I must receive from those I came to serve. It’s been a recurring motif in my life. Today, I am reticent to admit that my flesh is nearly sixty. But my mind says I’m 35 or 40. The truth is I might not have slowed down enough to cultivate joint stewardship had the Lord not put me down. In addition, I can’t get Hebrews 4 out of my mind.

Therefore, while the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us fear lest any of you should seem to have failed to reach it. 

Hebrews 4:1

Like a lot of ministries at Holston, The Garden is a proverbial plane being built in flight. God will use it according to His will and in ways we could never expect or predict. All I know for sure is that Cathy and I love these ladies. I love them with the Father’s heart.  I have learned more about the Father’s heart in working at Holston than at any other time or place in my life. For now, I will wait with eager expectation that the Lord has something special for all of us who reside at The Garden. If there is anything I have learned in my walk with the Lord thus far, it is that the true life that is hidden in Christ, the actively transforming life, is not about growing upward in fulfillment of our most recent “five-year plan”.  It is found in a life that aims to go lower and slower. True life in Christ means growing down. We are so very grateful for the opportunity to grow down in East Tennessee.

Maranatha

The Garden

Cracked Pots

So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. 1 Pet 2:1

Lots of people feel called to prison and recovery ministries today. Almost everyone has a different twist on what they think former inmates and addicts need. In truth, prison is like the Eagle’s song “Hotel California”. People check out but the majority never really leave. Statistically, approximately two percent actually become the people God created them to be. Mat 7:13-14, Mat 22:14 The only way past the revolving door of recidivism is in the words of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, to

“Live not by lies.” John 8:32

Hey, you know – I was just thinking…”

began my three-hundred-pound Samoan prison bunkie, “I wouldn’t want to do or say anything that would make someone want to kill me when I got out.” The implication was profound. We’d just learned that another Christ-professing friend of mine in the same prison drug treatment program had been found shot in the back of the head – execution-style. They found him slumped over on his knees in the parking lot behind his church.

He’d been out less than a week.

“He was a rat!” they said. A rat is a liar who for whatever reason suddenly begins telling the truth.

To be honest, my dead friend’s speech and behavior weren’t always reflective of a surrendered life. He’d still had a lot of world in him. James 1:8 That is always dangerous. Granted all of us are works in progress. Phil 3:12-14 But, Paul was clear about,

forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

Too many people continue to dabble in darkness after they are saved. Instead of getting as far as possible from the edge of the abyss they want to know how close they can get without falling in. If there is one thing I learned in prison, running a prison/recovery ministry, and finally living on the foreign mission field it is that safety is only found in the context of obedience to God. That obedience begins with truth that itself is found in

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalms 139:23-24

Live not by lies.

The root of why addicts relapse and die is that they believe their own lies. This understanding is a prerequisite for prison/recovery ministry. Once committed to a wrong course of action those in active addiction seek affirmation from well-meaning albeit naive people. While it may not be a conscious decision, deep down they need an excuse to abandon their recovery and someone to blame for the inevitable future consequences of their choice. Personal responsibility ruins the pleasure of sin. If someone refuses to affirm their lies they simply move on until someone does. Those who support them become “the best ever!!” Those who fail to affirm them become a source of offense. Offense produces hypocrisy, envy, malice, and slander.

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. Rom 16:17-18

Anyone truly living their lives in the context of Psalms 139:23-24 will immediately recognize that all of us are recovering criminals and addicts to some degree. Eph 2, Rom 3 Still how easy it is to lose sight of our mutual status as cracked pots that only the Potter can transform. Isa 64:8, Rom 8:29 Of course we are new creations. If you are already fully transformed and conformed to the image of His Son then none of what I am writing applies to you. How tempting and easy it is to magnify and compare one crack to another. 2 Cor 10:12-16 Hence our primary identifying sign of Rom 16:17-18 in action is when WE fail to truly own OUR OWN transgressions and failures. “Yeah, I know I’m not perfect but

THEY…!!!”

As the saying goes, “Everything before the “But”_is a lie.”

Offense is deadly to us but especially to the population we serve. “Resentment is the number one offender.” Any malice they may hold for those they perceive as having betrayed them becomes a root of bitterness that eventually turns inward. Left unchecked it always results in relapse that in turn eventually ends in death. Rom 6:23 Unforgiveness is deadly for those in recovery. Once again,

We are all in recovery. Phil 3:12-14

It’s not that we are committed to enlarging the proverbial cracks in our pots by consciously conspiring to lie. Rather, rationalizing, justifying, minimizing, and generalizing otherwise known as “criminal thinking errors” are a primary means of survival in our dysfunction. Some or all of these are present when repentance is lacking. Hence defining truth is the first order of business. Defining truth means confronting a lie. Confrontation is always a potential breeding ground for hypocrisy, envy, deceit, malice, and slander that Paul requires us to

“put away.”

Charm is also listed as a criminal-thinking error and adds to the confusion. The most astute criminal knows how to charm others into affirming their lies so they can avoid taking responsibility for their choices and actions. Lies mixed with truth is satan’s and the world’s preferred approach. Succumbing to charm looks like condoning sin in the name of love. Left unchecked this progresses to viewing authority and correction as hate. Finally disobedience becomes the supernatural hand of God who is

doing a new thing!

A common strategy of the Devil is to inflate our Phil 4:8 hope for a struggling person then beat us to death with it when they fail. You can be sure you are under spiritual attack if one day you are God’s unique gift, more helpful than anyone else. The next you are a religious-spirited, legalistic, Pharisee. A fake Christian, hypocritical, and unloving. Know this! You can be certain that you are dealing with a spirit of witchcraft anytime you feel compelled to

Align with a lie.

Those who remain faithful in ministry understand that faithfulness to God alone must be the goal. Success if it happens in our presence is incidental and only given by God. 1 Cor 3:6-8 If we take credit for the increase that only God can produce then we must also receive blame for the failures.

Aim for truth and faithfulness.

That is all.

If in your frustration you do give way to envy that itself is rooted in pride and do not repent- you will eventually fall. The fruit of envy is manipulation, intimidation, and domination which is also witchcraft. If you strive to control rather than water and sow, you will soon find the crack in your pot matching those of your fellow cracked pots that betrayed your trust.

If on the other hand, the role of Chief Enabler is your default and you are easily charmed – if supernatural manifestations fix everything in your view and everyone just needs to be healed. Know this,

“Then he (Jesus) began to denounce the cities where most of his mighty works had been done because they did not repent.” Mat 11:20

People are not transformed because they refuse to repent. They may be saved, and have seasons of popularity and success that are misconstrued as approval from God. They and others will weep in confusion when the fantasy finally unravels. 1 Cor 3:13 The truth that remains and can save us is that complete repentance in accordance with His word is God’s standard. Luke 13:1-5

It does not change.

The word of God is a lamp. Psalm 119:105 It is a fire that consumes and a hammer that shatters our illusions, especially those about ourselves. Jer 23

It is living and active, sharper than any  two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, it discerns the thoughts and intentions of
Our hearts. Heb 4:12

It is impossible for us to discern the intention of our hearts on our own.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jer 17:9-10

The word of God is a mirror that shows us what we really look like in God’s eyes. James 1:23-24 The word of God is a strong tower to which the righteous can flee to safety. The word of God is Truth. Apart from it and the willingness to lean not on our own understanding or be wise in our own eyes Prov 3:5-8 and surrender to Jesus, every last one of us is a lying, malicious, criminal, hypocritical addicts ridden with envy and slander. Search me O’ God that I may

Live not by lies

At the end of the day, the fruit of malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander is the same wherever they arise. They are the root of disunity the opposite of which Paul calls us to pursue. Eph 4:11-13 Every believer must actively put them away. The only real difference between one cracked pot and another in the midst of these is that one might have a plank and one might have a speck in their eye. Mat 7:3-5 That status may be reversed the very next day. What is important to understand is that the plank in one person’s eye in no way diminishes the severity and importance of the speck in the eye of another.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me…Help me put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander… lead me in the way everlasting! Psalms 139:23-24, 1 Pet 2:1

Lord, you are the Potter. Test me. Have your way in me. Burn off the dross. Conform me to the image of your Son Jesus.

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.

-Mark Twain-

MARANATHA