Brian and Cathy Gray Bible study

On Hypocrisy

Romans Chapter 2

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. Rom 2:1

Paul is addressing what modern psychology calls projection.

Projection is the process of displacing one’s feelings onto a different person, animal, or object. The term is most commonly used to describe defensive projection—attributing one’s own unacceptable urges to another.

As we discussed in What is in Man Jesus understood the nature of all mankind according to the flesh. As much as we like to talk about all human beings beings made in the image of God, that image applied universally to Adam and Eve. Everyone who came after was a corrupted mutation of that image. But to all who did receive him (Jesus) who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12 Hence all believers are works in progress on our way to becoming fully conformed to the image of God. Rom 8:29

What Jesus knew is in Man is the culmination of Romans chapter one.

every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity, envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice, gossip, slanderer, insolence, arrogance and boasting; invented ways of doing evil; the lack of understanding, fidelity, love, and mercy (as in man). Not only do they continue to do these things but they approve of (and commiserate with) those who practice them. Rom 1:29-32

It is so very important to understand that our redemption by the blood of Jesus is not a license to sin. The law and the standard for holiness has not change.

For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Mat 5:8

Many believers mistake Jesus’ last words “It is finished!” John 19:30 for all is accomplished. It is finished in Greek is tetelestai from teléō. Perhaps the best analogous context is a business transaction where a debt is paid in full. Jesus was the final blood sacrifice that paid for all sin. All is accomplished in Revelation 19-22. All means the restoration of All God’s creation to its original status before the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. Victory over sin and death is just the beginning. The indwelling of Holy Spirit is a down payment toward our full inheritance. Eph 1:14 

The main error that Paul exposes in the first three chapters of Romans is one of overvaluation of identity. The Jews saw themselves as righteous by way of their Jewish bloodline. Some gentile believers regarded their newfound born-again status, or their identity, as won and done. The fruit of this error can be seen in Martin Luther’s proclamation, “Love God, sin boldly.” Jesus died for all my sins so I don’t need to worry about sin. Right?

Wrong!

…Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? Rom 2:4

The riches of His kindness made possible by the Cross, are what allow us to come boldly to the throne of grace. Heb 4:16 And to be forgiven provided we confess our sins. 1 John 1:9 Those who simply take the cross of Jesus for granted and minimize or justify instead of rectifying their sins and failures through confession and repentance are hypocrites.

The Jews thought they were righteous because they had the law. Apparently like today, many Jewish and gentile believers thought hearing the law, e.g. going to church and claiming to believe what they heard made them righteous. Paul made it clear that

For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified. Rom 2:13

While we are not exempt from doing what the law says, we do it His help.

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:14-16

At the end of the day, God is most concerned with the intentions of our hearts. Those intentions are defined by our actions.

For a righteous man may fall seven times
And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity. Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; Lest the Lord see it, and it displease Him, And He turn away His wrath from him. Prov 24:16-18

Paul continues to reinforce the theme of projection and resulting hypocrisy throughout the chapter with a discussion of circumcision.

For circumcision indeed is of value if you obey the law, but if you break the law, your circumcision becomes uncircumcision. Rom 2:25

Similar to baptism for believers,  circumcision was an outward expression of an inward commitment. While it might be tempting to focus on Paul’s seeming emphasis on distinctions between Jew and Gentile, it’s really not the point. Not at this point anyway. Once again, Paul is writing to the church in Rome. Hence he is speaking to both Jewish and Gentile believers. The message for contemporary believers remains the same. Pursue righteousness by doing what is written to the best of your ability with God’s help. Let us not redact scripture to fit the lifestyle we want to lead.  Don’t be a hypocrite.

The most sobering verse in Romans 2 is

You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law. For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.” Rom 2:23-24

We constantly hear people justify sin, be it theirs or the sins of others in the name of grace because they errantly believe that the law is irrelevant because Jesus fulfilled it. Hence

love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Pet 4:8

Love is the crucifixion of Jesus that resulted in our justification, not our justifications that demand tolerance for our sins. This is Paul’s point when he says ...God’s kindness is meant to lead (us) to repentance…in Rom2:4

While church leaders and especially teachers are subject stricter qualifications and standards, 1 Tim 3,  James 3 Every believer impacts someone.

“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. “Woe to the world for temptations to sin!  For temptations must come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! Mat 18:5-7

The word for sin and temptation here is skándalon– a trap. However, the trap here includes leading by wrong example. A person consumed by sexual sin and yet claims to represent the gospel of Jesus Christ  falls into the catagory of Romans 1:32.

Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

These are the ones by whom “The name of God is blasphemed (among unbelievers)” Rom 2:23-24

The very idea of covering up or making lite of our or another person’s blatant sin is neither righteous nor loving.

But then here is where projection can make a proverbial twist. Sometimes people errantly give what appears to be grace. We may assume their intentions are pure.  They simply misunderstand the nature and purpose of grace. “They‘re just nice,” we say. When in fact they are reticent to call out and expose worthless deeds of darkness Eph 5:11 because they are guilty of the same sins. …You who say that one must not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? Rom 2:21 A contemporary twist is; if I commit adultery; do I excuse adultery because I am guilty of the same thing? In covering up the sin of another with what I term love and grace; do I hope the same sins will be covered up for me?

There is no end to how those with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom will twist God’s word to justify their behavior and the behavior of those whom they are afraid to confront. If this is how a church body or a body within a body operates the end result will at best always be but a variation of what happened at IHOPKC and multiple other ministries over the last twenty years. In the end God is blasphemed and people reject Him because of our failures.

At the end of the day, the overarching theme in Romans 2 is simple.  Right is right. Wrong is wrong. If we know what is right because we got it from scripture then we’d better be doing it. People are watching and looking to justify their unbelief by our actions. When we fail as we all do at times, then we’d best be ready to immediately confess and repent. Anything else makes us hypocrites. This is one reason why Paul said, leaders must be above reproach. 1 Tim 3 And James said, not many of you should become teachers, James 3:1

Woe to the hypocrites. Mat 23

If you are reading this and asking “Where is the love?”, consider the possibility that you have a deficient understanding of love. Why is Paul so hard? Because

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Prov 9:10

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.  For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil. Ecc 12:13-14

The love of God can not be understood apart from the fear of God, His goodness apart from His severity.

Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God: on them which fell, severity; but toward thee, goodness, if thou continue in his goodness: otherwise thou also shalt be cut off. Rom 11:22

So often any mention of the fear of God, His law, and the pursuit of holiness is dismissed as “religious”. Within the charasmatic stream, the word religion has become a pejorative. The implication is that Jesus was only hard on the religious people. We are “Spirit Filled”. For the record “religion” is from the Latin  Relegere to reread and Religare to bind fast, an obligation, a bond between man and God. In a nutshell, being religious means are who we say we are, and we do what we are supposed to do regardless of who we are with. Being Spirit filled means we have the power to walk in integrity. Integrity is a fruit of being unspotted from the world. James 1:27 Among other things, our religion should produce integrity.

Integrity is the antithesis of Hypocrisy.

Maranatha!

Brian and Cathy Gray Bible study, Red Pill Diaries

Earnest Love

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Pet 4:8

Do I even know what that means?

Many if not most believers cite 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 when defining love.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

Here is another rendition.

Love is large in being passionate about life and relentlessly patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others with kindness. Love is completely content and strives for nothing. Love has no desire to make others feel inferior and has no need to sing its own praises. Love is predictable and does not behave out of character. Love is not ambitious. Love is not spiteful and gets no mileage out of another’s mistakes. Love sees no joy in injustice. Love’s delight is in everything that truth celebrates. Love is a fortress where everyone feels protected rather than exposed! Love’s persuasion is persistent! Love believes. Love never loses hope and always remains constant in contradiction. Love never loses its altitude!

The first version is from the ESV translated from the original Greek into contemporary English. The second is from the Mirror Bible also allegedly translated from the original Greek. The difference between the two is the added interpretation in the Mirror Bible.

For example, Love suffers long, (ESV) Love is large in being passionate about life. (Mirror Version) Let me ask you;

what do the words suffering and passionate mean to you?

A year or so into our Honduras Mission my definition of earnest love correlated with an old post, Que Rompe Tu Corazon – “What breaks your heart?” At that time the poverty, loneliness, and suffering we encountered broke my heart. In my mind, God did not desire that any of His children should suffer. Love meant being the hands and feet of Jesus. It meant giving from the overflow of abundance God had given me to do all I could to alleviate suffering. In a word, I gave people stuff along with money to buy stuff. Earnestness was the intensity of the emotion I felt that compelled me and propelled me forward. I labeled this

“Compassion”.

Cathy’s photo of children in a Honduran dump.

Maturity

It can be easy to stop at verse 10 in the above passage. Yet Paul goes on.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 1 Cor 13:11-12

There are childish albeit still valid interpretations and expressions of love. Still, growth that results in maturity is the goal.

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather,speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Eph 4:11-16

We are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ… This includes but is not limited to, loving like Jesus did and does. When I was a child God’s love was defined by my experience of His comfort. As a young man earnest love became sacrificial obedience to a self-appointed mission to accomplish something for Jesus in my name. As well-intentioned as it was, it was nevertheless birthed from a self-centered interpretation of scriptures like Isaiah 6:8.

Here I am! Send Me!

One thing seems certain. My understanding and perception of love have evolved as I’ve aged. If the Bible is correct, I can expect between twelve and twenty-two more years of earthly life. Psalm 90:10 Perhaps the greater number of opportunities to suffer and endure by way of having walked longer upon the earth sets me apart from those half my age. Today earnest love looks like peace and simple faithfulness. Faithfulness to His Word, faithfulness to that which He calls me, be it preaching a sermon or cleaning a toilet. Faithfulness in the context of my relationships. It is accompanied by a clear understanding that faithfulness is not a synonym for success. Many of the most significant and successful people are also the most adulterous and idolatrous. Faithfulness means giving my time and resources because “God said” not because of any perceived benefits or a lack thereof. It has nothing to do with attaining some illusory “next level”. Earnest Love does not desire to offend but is willing to offend 1 Pet 2:8 because love rejoices in truth. Love and truth can not be separated.

Earnest Love is Compassion.

Interestingly the prefix “com“ means “with“. “Passion” means “suffering” as depicted by Jesus on the cross. Compassion is

“to suffer with”.

A lot of people, especially younger people, role their eyes at my ongoing emphasis on suffering instead of identity. All I can say is take it up with Peter. He broaches the topic 12 times in 1 Peter alone. The topic occurs 96 times in the entire Bible 68 of which are in the New Testament. In contrast, Blessing occurs 76 times 21 of which are in the New Testament.

The Gospels denote the compassion of Jesus twenty-three times. The implication for me as a missionary was that my compassion was evidence of my being conformed to the image of Jesus. Perhaps. But in my experience being conformed almost always begins with a Heb 12:27 shaking. The shaking removes some things and shakes other things into place. Suffice it to say that God shook me a lot in the course of six years. Immature grandiosity and delusions of significance were the first to go. What remained was a more mature and realistic appraisal of myself. As it turns out, what I had defined as compassion was in fact mere pity. Pity always compares my situation with that of another. Pity tempts one to embrace guilt, shame, and condemnation for having more than others. In the end, pity looks down from a proverbial pedestal and declares,

“Poor thing!”

Guilt, shame, shame, and condemnation were always temporarily relieved by giving. I mistook the illusion of personal empowerment and imagined significance in God’s kingdom as my payment for lending to Him. Prov 19-17

Pity is just altruistic pride in disguise.

While pity strives for the illusory “next level” allegedly to help more of those below it. Compassion identifies with a person in their situation. It purposely aims lower and enters the struggle of another alongside them in the dirt. Pity is underpinned by pride. Compassion is marked by humility.

And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” Mat 8:20

If I ask for a contemporary definition of “earnest” I expect the answer to be framed in the context of an emotional response. Contemporary earnestness is always a measure of emotional intensity be it felt or outwardly expressed. Still, we must dig into what Paul meant at the time and compare it with our own linguistic interpretations lest we be guilty of preaching another gospel. Gal 1:8-9

In 1 Peter 4, “Earnest” or “Fervent” is ektenḗs– intent:–without ceasing, stretched out, assiduously.

Assiduous means with great care and perseverance.

Jesus gave us the purest example of Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Once again, Peter’s use of the term “earnest love” in 1 Peter 4 is in direct reference to the mind or resolve of Jesus with which he exhorts us to arm ourselves in verse 1.

Like it or not earnest love that covers a multitude of sins is inseparable from suffering. It would seem that earnest love is only produced by genuine compassion which is suffering in the flesh. Perhaps death to self Mat 16:24-25, Rev 12:11 produces a willingness to lay down one’s life for another thereby making earnest love that covers a multitude of sins possible. If so then it follows that those who have suffered in the flesh as a result of loving in this manner have ceased from sin. 1 Peter 4:2

Does arming ourselves in this way mean we aspire to grow up into this kind of love? Is it part of becoming perfect, as our heavenly Father is perfect? Mat 5:48 Or do we simply trust Christ in us the hope of glory Col 1:27 to manifest in and through us when the moment of truth arrives and we are called to suffer and even die for sake the of the gospel?

Ironically, I had a conversation with a coworker last night who was trying to understand why our church “looks so crazy” during worship. All things considered, we are pretty mild for an IRIS Global church. I began explaining how the roots of our church were born out of a willingness to enter into suffering during a civil war in Mozambique. I told her about all the miracles I personally witnessed in the context of suffering in Mozambique and Honduras. The deaf ears opened the miraculous replication of food, etc. I talked about Surprise Sithole and the Voice in the Night. Much of the eccentricity we see here in the West looks crazy because people go directly from having an encounter with God to choosing a restaurant for lunch where they spend more than most Mozambiquans make in a year. Many people mistake eccentricity for Holy Spirit.

Most people are consumed with living their best life now in hopes that their children and grandchildren will do the same. Nothing I say is going to change their perspective. Today is January 1st, 2024. Many are being lulled to sleep by a prosperous satanic lullaby. But God will have His way. The next few years are not going to look like what I hear most self-proclaimed contemporary prophets describing. Still, I fully expect to see conditions emerge that produce a revival of

Earnest Love among a remnant of believers.

Meditate on that.

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Rants from the Fig Tree

Hackable Animals Reloaded

A Rant

How ironic that the segment of people who embraced one radical ideology and labeled anyone who disagreed with them as an opposing ideology in 2020 are now aligning with the very ideology they previously opposed. These ignore one massacre to oppose another. They remain blind to the fact that the very group they support now will be obliged to kill them if they come to power.

Meanwhile, the people labeled as “not human” and  “animals” who were saved from genocide 78 years ago are now celebrated for their necessary eradication of “evil animals” who are “not human” today. These justify one massacre in opposition to another. Elsewhere in the world, those who fought to free the first group being opposed by the very group they liberated.

Meanwhile, back in the land of prosperity, and entitlement, those who oppose the alleged systematic oppression of one minority people group, demand the right to murder their children in the name of the human rights and health of another allegedly oppressed minority group. This is further justified by the claim that people in the womb are not human.

Perhaps you have noticed the absurdity is clarified by the absence of labels and names.

How did we get here?

Many people do not have a point of reference beyond themselves. Hence truth is defined as whatever they experience or perceive. Furthermore, we have sacrificed the ability and right to think critically on the altar of consensus rooted in, and driven by emotion. Our hackers easily direct our individual and collective discontent toward whatever fragment of imperfect humanity they deem most likely to inflame our emotions. Once in this state, we confuse “awfulizing” a problem and choosing a side, with contributing to its solution never realizing that “we”, not “they” are our real problem. All are dead men walking – appointed to the very wrath we would assign to others. Our condition is further confirmed and reinforced by our self-righteous hatred for whichever side our hackers have assigned us to oppose.

We are double-minded.

The root of our confusion and hypocrisy is twofold.

On one hand, we have the attempted negation of absolute truth and with it the denial of a source. Truth becomes a personal affair. Within this paradigm, consensus is love and disagreement hate. All hate must be killed so that love can thrive. 

On the other hand, we have consensus-based affirmation that absolute truth does exist. Yet there is little to no understanding of what that TRUTH is. In its place, we have emotionally contrived, stump speeches and celebrity pulpits labeled as absolute truth as the preferred influencers imagine it.

It would seem that one man surmised correctly in 1871. People in both groups will kill one another and themselves until only a controllable few are left. Those that remain will be so demoralized that they will gladly accept the chief hacker as king.

Still, there remains one way to be unhackable. One truth, that leads to our origin, true freedom, true life, and the reconciliation of the family to which we all belong. It is a narrow way.

Only a remnant will find it.

As in the story Pinnochio, the wider, easier way is filled with comfort and pleasure. This broad beautiful road will remain more attractive, more interesting for a season as those who traverse it are conformed to the image of proverbial donkeys. Thinking themselves wise they inevitably become fools and all that they have permitted themselves to hate.

They are without excuse.

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Red Pill Diaries

Did You Say Prepping? 👀

Alexander Dugin is a former advisor to Vladimir Putin. Sometimes known as “Putin’s Brain”, Dugin is an Eastern Orthodox Christian whose daughter Daria was recently assassinated allegedly by a Ukrainian Azov in an apparent attempt to kill him.

In the documentary The Wolf in the Moonlight, Dugin eerily pronounced that the purpose of life is death. “One person can not kill another,” says Dugin.  “Only God can kill. Either God kills a person or He allows a person to be killed according to His will.” This extreme view of God’s sovereignty seems reminiscent of hyper-Calvinism albeit with an eschatological twist. Russian Orthodox clergy have further stated they believe that

Russia is the New Testament Israel.

Dugin sees the ongoing conflict between Russia and NATO as the parable of the sheep and goats being played out in real-time. Mat 25:31-46 Hence he claims he would not hesitate to push the nuclear launch button and destroy all of mankind should Russia face a genuine existential threat. In the words of both Dugin and Putin, there is absolutely no point in the existence of life on Earth without Russia. In Dugin’s mind, a war between Russia and NATO while admittedly unwinnable for either side 

is nevertheless inevitable.

Dugin says it will be a sovereign act of God and a final separation between the sheep and goats in which case,

Russians will go to heaven as martyrs. All NATO members will go to hell. – Dugin’s guideline: The Curse of the West and the Salvation of Russia –

Meanwhile, Poland and Belarus are currently facing off with the Wagner group whom many in the West thought was going to overthrow Vladimir Putin. The Russians suspect Poland of readying itself to invade Belarus. Poland suspects Russia is going to use Wagner to invade Poland and or Western Ukraine. Tensions between Russia and the US are growing in Syria. Israel is on the verge of war with Iran by proxy via Hezbollah in Lebanon and Hamas in Palestinian territories. China has warned the US of a severe military response should they violate any of “China’s rights” in the Asia Pacific. That means Taiwan. While I am not making a prophetic declaration, you’d have to have your head in the sand not to see the potential for world war looming on the horizon.

I could go on about the absurdity of the Jewish Zionist Ukrainian President who openly supports Nazis in a fight against the very people who liberated the Jews in WWII. But then it’s hard to argue with those already programmed by television news.

Suffice it to say we are at high risk of global conflict not seen since WWII. Anyone who has served in a combat arms unit knows the importance of counting the cost and training for any possible scenario. “If this then this.” Given that becoming a Christian amounts to volunteering for war albeit a spiritual one we must similarly prepare our hearts and minds, fill our lamps with oil and trim them. Now that the current administration has begun to mobilize ready and inactive reserves and the children of friends are joining the military, I think it behooves us all to ask the question,

Is there any circumstance where the willful taking of human life is justified? 

Perhaps more important for the days ahead; is there a solid scripturally based argument that supports a Christ follower’s use of deadly force against another image bearer, let’s say a Russian soldier?  The more I search the scriptures, the more I am forced to conclude that the answer is an absolute

No.

While I can find a Phil 4:8 reason to honor almost anyone, I’m not a follower of any personality or political entity.  Why do you ask?  Because I believe geopolitics always has been and always will be the problem, never the solution.  Jesus warned us about the leaven of Herod, the Pharisees, and Sadducees in Mathew 16 and Mark 8. Both groups represented opposing denominations as well as political factions.

My geopolitical view mirrors that of Peter.

Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him. Acts 10:34-35

That’s not to say I will simply lie down and allow someone to kill me or someone I love without a fight. If that’goal I’m nowhere even close to it. It just means I will not engage in the intentional, premeditated, and or preemptive taking of a life. Does that increase my chances of dying? 

Perhaps…

The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion. Psalm 11:5

Allegedly biblical pro-violence arguments commonly begin with typological references to the Old Testament e.g. David and Goliath. “We can’t back down! Imagine what would have happened if David backed down?” First of all, David rejected the standard armor and tools of battle in favor of a shepherd’s sling and the Lord’s protection. The argument typically extended to contemporary ones like  “What if we hadn’t killed Sadam Hussein?”… Those who advocate violence often forget that Old Testament battles were orchestrated by the hand of God’s judgment not the pragmatism of man. See Isaiah 10 They conveniently ignore the original consequences imposed by God for man’s willful shedding of blood.

And for your lifeblood I will require a reckoning: from every beast I will require it and from man. From his fellow man I will require a reckoning for the life of man.Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image. Genesis 9:5-6

I’ve had multiple discussions with brothers in Christ who justify the use of deadly force in defense of life. Perhaps you see differently but as far as I can tell all premeditated deadly force arguments collapse in light of scripture. Granted immediate self-defense with the least amount of force seems justified, but most of my conservative patriotic Christian brethren extend their definition of self-defense to the defense of “our way of life”. That includes preemptively attacking any perceived threat to it. Hence many will support attacking Russia if and when that day ever comes based upon their underlying presuppositions that will always be supported by media narratives.

Manufacturing an atrocity. Testimony that Iraqi’s were throwing babies in incubators on the floor that was used to help justify the invasion of Iraq. It was later proven false.

It’s not that I am against categorization or topological comparisons of scripture that exact a deeper meaning. However, validity is determined by coherent consistency throughout all of the scripture. An argument must not contradict the character and nature of the God who does not change Malachi 3:6 in order to align scripture with the independent emotional responses of man. Hence the “But what if David hadn’t killed  Goliath?” argument falls apart in the face of Genesis 9:5-6 which is consistently supported through to the end of the story.

Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword”. Mathew 26:52


If anyone is to be taken captive, to captivity he goes; if anyone is to be slain with the sword, with the sword must he be slain. Here is a call for the endurance and faith of the saints. Revelation 13:10

Another common pro-violence argument is that before they went to Gethsemene Jesus told the disciples to buy a sword. As it turned out they had two.  Jesus said “it is enough”. Luke 22:35-38 Later Peter cuts off Malchus’s ear. A common false assertion is that Jesus exclaimed “Not now!” implying that he would have us fight later when in fact He cried,

“No more of this!” Luke 22:49-51

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?” Mathew 26:52-54

Later Jesus seals the deal before Pontius Pilot.

“My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.” John 18:36

He went on to be beaten beyond recognition and nailed to a cross while praying

“Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Luke 23: 34

Pro-violence arguments are already incoherent and in violation of the law of non-contradiction unless you can find at least one instance of Jesus or any Apostle advocating or resorting to violence. I can not. Rather they were whipped, beaten, and imprisoned for preaching but kept preaching anyway. Acts 14 As for the defense of one’s socioeconomic status or way of life, Jesus provided clear instructions.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, and let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” Mat 5:38-44

“When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another.” Mat 10:23

While I often use Revelations 12:10 in response to Neo-Marxism and Critical Race Theory, it applies to any group conflict rooted in a quest for or the preservation of rights or power.

“And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God”

Accuse is “Kategoro” from which the English word category is derived. Categories like black, white, male, female, good country, bad country, good guys, and enemies.

I follow Jesus,

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise. Gal 3:28-29

By extension, there is neither Russian nor American, Shia, nor Jew. The only valid categories for believers are “in Christ” and

“not yet”!

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 2 Cor 5:14-16

John goes on in Revelation 12 to further illustrate the nature of our battle against the accuser.

 And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!” Rev 12:11-12

I am always amazed at how many people redact for they loved not their lives even unto death.

Paul goes on to articulate the primary combat function assigned to believers and the church as a whole. Namely “the ministry of reconciliation”. I want to be reconciled to my neighbor and have him be reconciled to God.

What hope is there if I shoot him?

I won’t.

As for governments and authorities Romans 13 exhorts us to submit to them. 

Maranatha

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. Romans 13:1-7

Once again the argument is “but what about Adolf Hitler?” “Most Germans especially Christian Germans did not oppose him and look at what happened. What if the Jews fought him at the beginning?” The underlying pro-violence presupposition is that submission to authority only applies when that authority does what is good. Of course, this verse doesn’t say that. People claim it is implied. Then they define “good”. Yet the scripture says, For there is no authority except God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Maybe Alexander Dugin has a point when he claims “Only God can kill.”

Jesus and Paul obeyed the laws of the land when they opposed authority by wielding the sword of the spirit (not an iron one). They spoke gospel truth to power. A contemporary application is exhorting pregnant women to keep their babies outside an abortion clinic or peacefully blocking an entrance. Blowing up clinics and shooting Molech serving staff is not. Neither Jesus nor Paul ever attacked or endorsed an attack with a scabbard let alone an AR-15. Rather they lived by the sword of the spirit and were eventually killed by a sword.

Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution,  whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 1 Peter 2:13-17

Nero began persecuting Christians in 64 CE after he blamed them for the fire that destroyed much of Rome. He fed them to lions and mounted them on lampposts, burning them alive to light Roman gardens and streets. Some believers advocated taking up arms. Paul opposed them. This is the historical context in which 1 Peter was written. 

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Pet 1:6-9

I’ve written at length about experiences on the mission field from being surrounded by spear-wielding Shuar tribesmen to staring down the barrels of M16s, times when we were certain of our imminent demise and were at peace that passes understanding. The Lord was delivered us every time.

He delivers me from my enemies;
Surely You lift me above those who rise up against me; You rescue me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

That deliverance might look like ours. It might look like Stephen’s in Acts 7.

Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him…Acts 7:54-58

While I hope this blog ends up in the annals of irrelevancy. I sense that it will become increasingly relevant in the coming years. Alexander Dugin claims he is willing to die for his ideas. What am I willing to die for? Do I love God enough to risk dying for Him – for loving a neighbor who may very well want to kill me? Do I have the intestinal fortitude to be cut and set apart, to seek to understand those whom my government aims to destroy even if means being hated and rejected here at home? Do I have the courage to pray for those who one day may be compelled by their government to persecute and kill me? Can I bless those who despitefully use me? These are the questions that underpin spiritual prepping.

We can not kill our enemies and follow Jesus.

Period!

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world,  but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Rom 12:1-2

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Philippians 4:5

Brian and Cathy Gray Bible study, Devotional

The Paradox of “I”

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Eph 5:1-2

Beloved is agapētós: esteemed, favorite, worthy of love. It is the same word the Father spoke immediately following Jesus’ baptism.

“And behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved (agapētós) Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Mat 3:17

God’s love in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son…” is agapáō love in a social or moral sense, to be fond of, to love dearly.

The difference is subtle but profound. Agapáō in John 3:16 is the love with which He loved us even when we were dead in our trespasses…by nature children of wrath. Eph 2:1-3. This is a statement of God’s character. He loved us because of who He is despite who we were. In contrast, Agapētós in Eph 5:1 is a statement about us. As believers made alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised up with him and seated with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, Eph 2:5-6 we are now esteemed as His favorites, worthy of His love.

The reason for the change in our status remains the same. For by grace, you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Eph 2:8-9 Nevertheless we have been promoted to the rank of favored children with Jesus and seated with Him as if we’d been there the entire time.

Let that sink in…

When viewed correctly this revelation should provoke both

Gratitude and Fear.

Historically, believers embrace one or the other. We are consumed with Rom 7:15-25 “Oh what a wretched man I am! Who will save me from this body of death?” Or we redact Romans 7 completely in lieu of Romans 8.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Rom 8:1-2

Mind you this is Paul the Apostle speaking about himself. He went a step further in 1 Cor 4:13 when he described himself as the scum of the world, the refuse of all things. He said this in the context of addressing what I call “celebrityism” beginning in chapter three.

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. 1 Cor 3:7

“Celebrityism” is born of the “self” that Jesus requires us to deny. Mat 16:24 “I” becomes doctrine such that “My identity” supersedes His wherever “self” is not slain. It is so subtle, so seemingly normal that most do not give it a second thought. The doctrine of “I” is most clearly seen in an obsession with “My Ministry”, “My Calling”, “My gift”, “My significance” etc.

I have applied all these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, brothers, that you may learn by us not to go beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up in favor of one against another. For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? 1Cor 4:6-7

“Celebrityism” begins with a sincere desire to be used by God and becomes idolatry when we idolize those we wish we could be in the world. “Celebrityism” is pride unwittingly instilled by culture. It is carnal- a work of the flesh. 1 Cor 3:1-4 It is a desire to be something or someone in the world in Jesus’ name. It is a fruit of immaturity, comparison, performance, and a perverted understanding of what it means to be

beloved children.

Many believers wrestle with the paradox of identity IN Him. Either we are so consumed with beholding our reflection in His eyes as we imagine it that we can not even see Him. Or we are so consumed with guilt, shame, and condemnation that we can not see Him. Either way, the enemy doesn’t care if we are consumed with narcissism or self-hatred. He only needs us to be focused on the unholy trinity of

Me, Myself and I

It’s been the same game since the fall when Adam and Eve’s attention went from perfect fellowship with God to an obsession with self when their eyes went from Him to themselves and they realized they were naked. Gen 3 The enemy doesn’t need us to choose sin. He just needs us to be focused on sin. He is perfectly happy to have me indulging with impunity or shamefully struggling in the flesh to avoid it. If only we would realize that all of us are born addicted to self, that

Selfishness and self-centeredness are the root of all our troubles.

We’d understand our identity as beloved children and be free.

That identity is a dead child of wrath revived, redeemed, and now beloved because of who God is, not because of who I am. He does not need me. He wants me. His plans are not contingent upon anything I do or fail to do. My participation is an undeserved privilege granted to me as a beloved son. If I rule and reign with Him it is only because my life is in Him. Today, I do not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it because it is covered by the blood of Jesus. Hence, my brokenness has become my blessing, my rap sheet my resume. I don’t need to affirm my or your identity in Him because the “I” is dead or still needs to be slain.

i die daily.

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Col 3:3

You are a beloved child.

Embrace the paradox

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Bible study, Devotional

The Bread of Life

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Eph 4

The Acts 17:11 Bereans Bible study begins Ephesians 4 this week. Given the “season”, I’m going to jump ahead for in this blog post.

And God said, Let there be lights in the 
firmament of the heaven to divide the day
from the night; and let them be for signs,
and for seasons, and for days, and years:
Gen 1:14.

Seasons is “mowed“: “an appointed feast”.

Specific instructions and times for these feasts were given to Moses in Leviticus 23.

Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, Concerning the feasts of the Lord, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, even these are my feasts. Lev 23:2

Convocation is “miqra“: a “dress rehearsal”.

What many regard as obscure, obsolete Old Testament feasts are in fact the Lord’s feasts appointed 1,948 years before Go made His covenant with Abraham. Gen 17 Each of the seven feasts is a type and shadow of God’s plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. Eph 1:9-10

Passover Ex 12:1-11 Lev 23:48 2023 began on April 5th at sunset. The Gospels tell us Jesus was crucified “on the day of preparation” John 19:14.  “The day of preparation” was the Jewish idiom for “Friday”.  John is referring to preparation for the Sabbath that fell during Passover week. It was not the preparation for the Passover meal that Jesus had already eaten. Mat 26:17-29 The Feast of Unleavened Bread Lev 23:6-8 begins on Passover and continues for seven days. Jesus was crucified during Passover and resurrected three days later on the Feast of First Fruits. Lev 23:10-11 The day after Passover begins the Feast of Weeks and the counting of the Omer (sheaves of wheat) for fifty days leading up to Shavuot Lev 23:15-16. Passover to Shavuot marks the beginning and end of the wheat harvest. Christians call Shavuot Pentecost because it means “fifty”. One hundred twenty people waited fifty days in the upper room until Pentecost was fulfilled in Acts 2.

When the law was given from Sinai, God appeared in a thick cloud. Exod 19 Then the Lord spoke to the Israelites from the midst of the fire Deut 4 He showed them his great fire and they heard his words from the midst it. In Jerusalem, there was the rushing of a violent wind from heaven divided tongues, as of fire, which rested upon each one of them, and the apostolic proclamation of the Gospel in tongues. Acts 2 The Old Testament Pentecost was the giving of the 1st Covenant, the Law. The New Testament Pentecost was the giving of the 2nd Covenant, the Holy Spirit.

As For Easter…

“Easter actually originated as an ancient pagan celebration of the spring equinox. In Christianity, the day was dedicated to observing the resurrection of Jesus Christ, celebrated around the time of the Jewish Passover. However, with the spread of the Gospel of Christ, early Christians who did not participate in Jewish customs eventually merged their observances with the pagan spring festival, recognizing Easter as “resurrection day.” History of Easter

The Passover meal that Jesus ate with His disciples and is repeated yearly by Orthodox Jews and Messianic believers is called the Seddar. It has fifteen steps the first of which is the removal of Leaven from the home.  Leaven (yeast) represents Egypt out of which Israel emerged into the desert. For us, it is worldliness, false teaching, sin, etc. The leaven is not to be touched so the father takes a candle for light and a feather and goes about the house sweeping the hidden leaven into a bag. When all the leaven is collected both bag and feather are burned. Of course, yeast is not found scattered in most houses today. Therefore pieces of unleavened bread are traditionally hidden like the pagan easter eggs parents hide for children today.

Jesus was removing Leaven in John 2 when He cleansed the Temple during the feast of Unleavened Bread.

It was Passover when He fed the five thousand and The Feast of Unleavened Bread when He declared

I am the bread of life. John 6

Where Passover represents our justification (the remission of sin), The Feast of Unleavened Bread represents our ongoing sanctification. Justification is an exclusive work of God. Sanctification takes place in partnership with God. Justification is instantaneous. Sanctification is ongoing as we become Holy even as He is Holy. “Holy” is to be separate from the world.

Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, 2 Cor 6:14-18

This is not an obsolete Old Testament ceremonial law but a New Testament command for those already justified by grace through faith. Eph 2:8-10 Our part in sweeping the leaven from our lives is illustrated by Paul in the book of Romans.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Rom 12:1-2

As for those who claim the feasts are not for today Paul is clear that they are. Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.1 Cor 5:8

Leaven includes but is not limited to the thoughts, words, and actions that we do not want to acknowledge as sin. It is the worldliness we justify, rationalize, and minimize to avoid the fact that friendship with the world is enmity with God. Opposition implies stubbornness which is idolatry. 1 Sam 15:23 Active opposition looks like a violent attack.

Enmity is active opposition. James 4:4

Leaven compels us to make idols of politicians, celebrities, political parties, denominations, faith streams and wealth, etc. Mark 14:8-20 Leaven might be the music or tattoo that we think gives us the “cultural cred” we covet. We rationalize that they open doors for the gospel.

Leaven is the beloved tradition that emerges from syncretism. Syncretism pleases man in the name of God rather than God for the sake of man.

Easter 2023 at Transformation Church in Knoxville TN.

Leaven is false prophecy, false signs and wonders, and, the false teaching that deep down we suspect or even know is unbiblical.

But it tickles our ears in such a sweet way. 2 Tim 4:1-4 1 Tim 4:1

GRAVE-SUCKING / MANTLE GRABBING

Leaven confuses loyalty with faithfulness, pride with anointing, intention with action, and cognitive dissonance with faith. Leaven fuels offense and even rage when our loyalties and wrong beliefs are challenged. Leaven always seeks its own and with it approval from the world rather than God who opposes it. 1 John 2:15-16

A little leaven leavens the whole lump. Gal 5:9

I’m not a Methodist. But given that I live in Appalachia, I find the alleged connection between John and Charles Wesley, the Methodist revival, and the Feast of Unleavened Bread rather poignant. After having profound personal encounters with God, the Wesleys preached the necessity of sanctification through personal holiness in thoughts, words, and actions. This is the point for Christians during the Feast of Unleavened Bread. It was in this context that Paul wrote.

Now, this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Eph 4:17-32

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Commentary, Devotional, Rants from the Fig Tree, Uncategorized

His Surpassing Love

Ephesians 3:18-19

March 1st marked a year since we moved to Greeneville TN and since I last wrote about my best childhood friend Craig Hammerly. Craig was the unauthorized friend with whom I used to play in the woods between our houses when we were 6 or 7 years old. I say “unauthorized” because Craig was that “bad kid”.  My mother forbade our friendship. So I’d grab my Tonka dump truck, excavator, and matchbox cars and meet Craig secretly to play.  Craig didn’t have any toys so it was up to me. Craig lived alone with his grandfather. Rumor had it that he “did… things to Craig” – the kind of things that people didn’t talk about let alone do anything about in those days.  Craig got held back in the third grade and we eventually grew apart. He grew grew more angry and became the school bully that everyone was afraid to fight. Craig couldn’t read but he was good at fighting. Man could he punch hard. Elementary school mythology had it that “he’d knocked out a high school kid when he was in the sixth grade. Even the teachers were afraid of him.” He moved away before we got to Jr. High. Ironically after 50 years I felt prompted to look him up on the internet. He was all over the internet. Craig, who called himself Damien Knight had been on drugs and in and out of jail for most of his life.  He’d been arrested again just a week before.

Craig beat his roommate to death with his fists.

Craig is by definition,dead in his trespasses. Eph 2:1

The Acts 17:11 Bereans Bible study just finished Ephesians chapter 3. We ended last session with all of us pondering the breadth and length and height and depth and the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, Eph 3:18-19 We all agreed that His love is best understood in contrast with who we were; dead people appointed to wrath Eph 2:1-3 versus who we are today

in Christ Jesus. Eph 2:4-6

God’s definition of love is counterintuitive to that of the world.

Even more counterintuitive is that “Dead in our trespasses” puts all of us on equal footing with Craig and even the worst serial killer.

Jeffrey Dahlmer

That’s a hard red pill for some.

It’s not that our actions here on earth equal those of Dahlmer. Rather it is that all dead people are equally dead. Jesus clearly illustrates this principle in Luke 13:1-5 …No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish...

At the end of the day the only thing that any of us brings to our salvation is our sin.

That should be really good news to all but the unholy trinity of

Me, Myself and I.

Thankfully Jesus prescribed the antidote. Mat 16:24-26

“My Identity”

“My Identity” is a favorite theme in the church these days. If there is anything good in me now it is Jesus. My identity is in him Col 3:3 “But what about 2 Cor 5:17?” “I thought all things are made new.” Yes, they are and yes you are. But only in Christ Jesus. Narcissism hates that. Narcissism can not survive in Christ Jesus. Thankfully, the Father is conforming us to the image of His Son Rom 8:29 in an ongoing process of transformation and renewal Rom 12:1-2.

Once again we don’t worship a God of this or that. Our God is a God of this and that. So often believers skip Oh wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?… Rom 7:24-25 to the so much sweeter Rom 8:1-2 where There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus… Yet, we must embrace and internalize both if we are to do more than just scratch the surface of His love that surpasses knowledge.

Oh wretched man…

I raised a few eyebrows when I wrote about my Holston experience in For the Love of Sid. It was inspired by the Toy Story character that everyone loves to hate. Some were disturbed that I would still identify with the evil Sid. “I refuse to see you as Sid,” said one friend. “But you have a new identity now!” assured another. Well…

Yes and No

I ended up living on my own at 14 and subsequently took Craigs place in the community. Suddenly I was that bad kid with whom mothers forbade their children to associate. I walked a lonely angry path that eventually landed me in jail. I could have easily been where Craig is today. But I came face to face with the love that surpasses knowledge amidst a point blank shotgun blast. I wasn’t looking for God. I was looking to die. Little did I know I was already dead. Jesus showed up and saved me. And not just from the shotgun. He saved me from me. Why me and not Craig? If you say it is because there was something different about me then you’ve missed the point entirely.

I’m no longer dead in my trespasses. Nor am I consumed by guilt, shame, and condemnation. Still, I am very much Sid. I am Craig. I am Jeffery Dahlmer. The only difference is that I am in Christ Jesus.

God loved me and still loves me in spite of me not because of me.

God loves me because of who He is. 

This is such a deep core truth and just the beginning of His love that surpasses knowledge.

The best I can do today is to be grateful and love the people like me that He sends my way. Luke 7:47

I shared the story of Craig and me with some of the boys with whom I work. You know you’ve hit a nerve in boys when they just look you long and hard in the eye and don’t say word. Only one boy asked a question. “How does that make you feel Mr. Brian?” “Sad” I began

“And Grateful.”

We ended the Bible study session with my favorite allegory about a righteous African King whom everyone loved and respected. His word was unshakable. He said what he meant and meant what he said.

One day his administrators reported that someone was stealing chickens in the village. If you’ve been to places like Mozambique then you know that “chicken thieves die!” So the King made a decree. When the thief was caught he would receive one hundred stripes, enough to potentially kill a grown man.

The next day the thief was caught and brought before the king. It was the kings mother. The king was distraught. Still he commanded that she be stripped and tied to the whipping post. “One hundred lashes!” cried the king, “and not one less.” “If I even think you are holding back I will have you executed.” The men assigned to the task moved solemnly toward the kings mother. “Wait!” cried the King. “There’s one more thing.” The King stood and removed his shirt. Then covering his mother with his own body the King exclaimed,

Proceed!

Even this does not begin to describe the love that surpasses knowledge.

Even so, Passover has officially started as I publish this.

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Honduras Continues

Peeling the Onion and Learning to Abide

Still Growing Down in Honduras

The name “Gray Hope Missionaries” has occasionally caused a few eyebrows to rise.  “What does that even mean?” they ask with a familiar reticence in their voice. I’ll admit it does sound a bit self-centered. I originally coined the title with the idea of it being a conversation starter. That’s manipulation code for initiating an evangelistic or “support us” sales pitch.

We all know God’s will requires funding.

Amirite?

Gray is the color between black and white, light and dark. It’s how I imagine hope. It’s also a Scotch Irish name that literally means hope. According to Google, the family crest which may or may not be my family crest, is an anchor.

That we live in the gray is another way of saying we see as in a glass darkly.

We need as much hope as we can get.

If you ask a missionary what life on the mission field is like you will often get an oral or written narrative along the lines of our most recent Hope In Time Newsletter, the ministry with whom we currently serve. Yes, we really do what we say. That’s not the point.  Increasingly, we find ourselves cringing at what inevitably ends up looking like horn-tooting, self-promotion. It’s a Catch 22.  We can’t be accountable to supporters without pictures of us doing what we say we do. But then it’s hard to direct the reader’s attention to God while staring at our mugs amidst a story about some tin we just nailed.  

I’ve come to almost despise the drudgery of self-promotion if only because it’s not biblical. Mat 6:1-4  When I think back to the marketing videos I regularly produced until two years ago I am embarrassed that I cultivated so much narcissism and self-aggrandizement. Yet narcissism and embellishment are just good business these days. They are expected and even praised in our consumer culture. That this is accompanied by a corresponding subconscious distrust of anyone asking for money seems rather ironic. That we associate meekness and humility with failure, and grandiosity with success, may offer some insight into why our culture has so little wisdom and discernment and continues to select psychopaths as leaders.  

But I digress.

In my experience, being a missionary has been more about coming to terms with things that people preoccupied with the first world rat race never have time or perhaps the desire to think about. 

I liken it to peeling an onion.

We began with peeling away our previous assumptions about ourselves, missions work, God, His Word and the world, as well all the ethical dilemmas that result from pride-ridden dreams of being a “world changer”.

This is counterintuitive as we are taught that success is contingent upon one’s ability to portray it.

Next came a season of preaching one thing and doing another. In my case that looked like talking about abiding while franticly striving to live up to prophetic words about my being a “world changer”.

Turns out telling people they are “world changers” is also a marketing strategy.

This recurring motif frequently ends in missionary burnout. Either we learn that,

“His strength is made perfect in weakness. We would rather boast in our infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon us.  For when we are weak, then we are strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

or we quit. 

This may seem simplistic to those whose careers and prosperity are the fruit of their dependency on God. But try it after slaying prosperity on the altar. This is where we encounter our inner Judas.

Mary, therefore, took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” John 12:3-6

The temptation to do everything apart from the literal commands of Jesus can be strong. There’s always an excuse. I have learned that given a severe enough tragedy or perceived inequity, and there always is, darn near any worldly strategy can be justified in support of financing God’s will.

Yet Jesus assured us there will be no human solution to the world’s suffering and problems. That includes poverty, climate change, and injustice to name a few. The Christian walk is not about world-changing effort and success let alone how God uses the almighty “us” to do it. It’s about being broken as we learn we can not. Only brokenness teaches us to be utterly dependent upon Jesus. That is the kingdom definition of success.

It begins with accepting the abject silliness of our self-imagined significance. John 15:1-17

“You can do nothing” is not hyperbole. “Nothing” means “nothing”. Hence, I’m thinking a better word for “missionary” might be

“Abidinary” – one who abides in the vine.

In our case, becoming an “abidinary” has meant dwelling both literally and prophetically in the wilderness. This has been especially true since moving into the mountains when the entire world was locked down. Our driver’s licenses expired and we don’t have a car.  Every time we are tempted to think it is coming to an end, another mutation and mutant worldly narrative kicks in. We are stunned and amazed at what the world has become and is becoming. It seems that everything we knew could happen – but probably wouldn’t – is happening. Maybe you can relate. Each time we learn that normal isn’t coming back the Lord brings us back into the Book of Exodus. We shed another onion layer as we look into the type and shadow of our own impatience, impertinence, and ingratitude.  Sometimes we are at the Springs of Marah in Exodus 15 grumbling that the living water is not sweetened to our taste.  Other times we are in Exodus 32 carving a golden calf 2.0.  Our calf isn’t made of gold but steak dinners and dreams of RV living while touring the US.

Meanwhile, God keeps placing us at the proverbial entrance to the Leviticus 8:35 tent.

For the record, I am not claiming to be a Levitical Priest.

Rather there is just so much history and depth in the original Tabernacle and Priesthood. Leviticus 8 is about the consecration and ordination of the priests. Many believers discount the Old Testament, especially Leviticus. “That was the old covenant,” they say. “Only the new one applies today.”  And let’s be honest. Detailed descriptions of donning one hundred pounds of priestly garb before tying a bull to the altar, slaughtering it in the heat, and spreading the blood and guts around can be boring and well…gross. 

Still, everything points directly to Jesus and lends greater depth to our understanding of Him and our relationship with Him. 

The bull was first and foremost symbolic of the priest tying himself to the altar. What took place there was a prophetic depiction of Jesus who would be both the final and perfect sacrifice as well as the high priest who offered it. It was symbolic of the depth of what is required if indeed we offer ourselves as living sacrifices. Rom 12:1-2.

Meanwhile, we sing “Come to the altar” as if it were an invitation to hug Santa Claus.

The altar is an invitation to tie ourselves up, be slain and die.

The tying, which is submission, is up to us. The slaying is a job for the High Priest. That’s Jesus. Anyone who has ever slaughtered a bull knows the sheer brutality, labor and gore involved. That the same sacrifice was immediately repeated with a ram only makes the scene seem more burdensome and intense. We may not slaughter animals as a propitiation for sin today. But shouldn’t our alter calls reflect the same sober intensity? Interestingly, Lev 8:3 lends deeper context to the scene when we consider that the entire congregation was required to be present. 

This was church. 

The Levitical Priests were just getting started.

“And you shall not go outside the entrance of the tent of meeting for seven days, until the days of your ordination are completed, for it will take seven days to ordain you. As has been done today, the Lord has commanded to be done to make atonement for you. At the entrance of the tent of meeting you shall remain day and night for seven days, performing what the Lord has charged, so that you do not die, for so I have been commanded.” Lev 8:33-35

There is mind-numbing, soul-shaking, typological, depth to this for those who understand. Suffice it to say that in addition to the wilderness, this is the place where God has repeatedly placed Cathy and me for the better part of two years. It is an uncomfortable place, albeit an often joyful place, a paradoxical place filled with futility and hope and the realization that our best efforts are analogous to a finger painting by a three-year-old presented to his father. Perhaps the desire to please God alone would qualify as an acceptable sacrifice. But then who can honestly say they do that? Hence, the bible says our best efforts are filthy rags. It seems more likely that our worldly displays before man for which people so often praise us has become our reward in full. Peeling the onion has shown us that

The counterfeit of true worship and sacrifice is the worship of one’s own reflection in the eyes of another and as we might imagine it in the eyes of God.

We are the tabernacle today. The tent entrance is symbolic of the place of coming to terms with ourselves as God reveals the deepest parts of ourselves in answer to prayer. Residual parts we don’t like and wish were not there. It is always parts we wish were not there that need to be cut away, discarded or burned. The altar is hard work. But the hardest part is in the submission to waiting.  

The entrance to the tent is a most necessary place.

It is at the entrance to the tent of our tabernacle that we wrestle with drudgery, immobility, and loneliness. We are all strangers in a strange land. But Honduras is a place where no matter how low and slow we go we will never be seen as equal, a part of, or the same. We are gringos. We are opportunity and blessing, consumers and cash. Sometimes we are bipedal ATMs. The deafening silence so devoid of true fellowship at the tabernacle door can produce the temptation to retrieve what was slain and return to comfort in the land of the prospering dead. We are here for seven days, however long or short a time that may actually be, according to His will and “so that (we) do not die.” There may be a different season and assignment on the horizon. In the meantime, this is what it looks like to learn to abide. John 15:5 

We are “Gray Hope Abidinaries”

Maranatha!

Brian and Cathy Gray Commentary, Devotional

The God of This and That

“When you’re done growing you’re done.”

-Heidi Baker-

We’ve been full-time missionaries in Honduras for 4 years now.  October will mark 5 years since we left Hawaii for IRIS Global Harvest School of Missions in Mozambique the cost of which remains the only outstanding debt that we owe.  That’s ironic because the longer I am on the mission field the more I realize how priceless that experience was.  And while we had a graduation ceremony, I am increasingly aware that I have yet to graduate. 

I suspect that is by design. 

While Rolland and Heidi Baker both hold Ph.Ds in Theology, they never formally taught on that subject. When we arrived we were greeted with,

“A lot of you came here to learn how to do missions.  The truth is you came here to die.”

I have often wondered about that and it occurs to me that we’d probably have something called Bakerism today with Bakerists  arguing with other “ists” over other “isms” had the school tried to condense the sovereign will of God into a university-style syllabus.  Instead, we began and ended with the idea that missions flow from intimacy with, and dependency on Jesus.  The implication was that intimacy must be sought.

It can not be humanly imparted or taught.  

There was also an underlying motif regarding the inseparable connection between intimacy with God and suffering. This seems counter-intuitive when you consider the theological streams where the Bakers are most often embraced and those that reject them. Whatever you may think about them, the fact remains that the revival that so many crave was birthed out of suffering in Mozambique and has been the norm for the better part of two decades. Until recently most of this suffering was the direct result of storms, flooding and resulting famine. As of this writing, people have been beheaded in a village where we did an outreach. Untold numbers have been shot. Tens of thousands are fleeing radical Islamists who have created yet another internal refugee crisis. We are praying for Mozambique and expect more revival.

The rest of the church would do well to observe and learn while it prays.

That’s not to say there wasn’t any teaching.  There was a whole range of teachings from various celebrity pulpits from around the world that may or may not have been endorsed by the staff.  As for the Bakers themselves,  Heidi modeled more than taught and always emphasized that “love looks like something.” She would occasionally give a hermeneutic on a specific passage of scripture like Jesus’s approach to the woman at the well as a model of her trademark “low and slow” “honor those we serve” approach to missions.  Rolland was more the mystic and taught like Miyagi from The Karate Kid. His lectures resembled a cross between a stand-up comedy act and a Zen Koan possibly designed to leave people scratching their heads for years. He would lob one-liners like hand grenades into the crowd and then giggle as student brows collectively knit together.  

“Ah yes, pray the money in they say”.  “Well…hehehe what if God says no?” 

“Lots of people argue about what God is or isn’t.” He’s a God of this.” “No he’s a God of that.”  They say. “Well what if He’s a God of this and that?”.

He’d talk about miracles and missionary tales but mostly about the miracle giver in a way that sounded like a Song of Solomon 2.0. It definitely made the “macho” in me squirm. Then he’d run around the pavilion shouting “BOOF!”, pretending to shoot people with his microphone while hundreds of twenty-somethings fell down consumed with what I viewed as sheer bandwagon fallacy laughter. I wasn’t having it. I was mad.  I’d come here to learn how to do missions not act like a stupid drunk kid.  I remember Rolland paused and looked at me for a moment before deciding to forgo the “Boof”. My offense immediately melted into a conviction that I had failed the “become as a little child test”. I then experienced the rejection of a little child deemed unworthy of the “Boof”. Mission accomplished. I know it sounds silly.  But God has different ways of tearing our old wineskins apart and causing old wine to flow like blood and more often tears on the floor. I have since learned that silly is often an easier path through ears and into hearts than are hardcore theological arguments.  That is not to say that theological correctness isn’t important. It most certainly is.  Anyway, Heidi addressed getting knocked down in a later session, “If you don’t get knocked down, just get down.” she said.

Turns out – nothing quenches Holy Spirit so much as pride.

Those who regularly read my blogs may have detected that I am always repenting and reforming as I am being conformed. I am fully aware that I will always know in part and see in a glass darkly until the perfect comes and I am known as I am fully known. Still, I thirst for righteousness and have very little patience for blatant fraud and heresy. I am not a cessationist. Rather I am passionate about “testing everything while holding fast to what is good.” 1 Thess 5:20-21 There are some false theological streams in which some Harvest school graduates are immersed that I find downright scary if for no other reason than they and their disciples are going to melt like snowflakes in a flame amidst the call to endure what is coming. I want to know Him far more than I want anything from Him. I think Rolland and Heidi would agree. That said, If I never see another miracle, sign, or wonder again and it would have absolute zero impact on my faith.

Both Cathy and I experienced full supernatural deliverances when we surrendered to the Lord. We know that we serve a personal God who actively intervenes in His creation according to His sovereign will.  We’ve seen God cast out demons in people and seen tumors disappear. Twice we saw the miraculous replication of food. Once in Honduras when we didn’t ask for it,

and once in Mozambique after Heidi had a group of five-year-olds pray.  We’ve seen cataracts dissolve, deaf ears opened and lame people dance when they previously couldn’t even stand. We’ve been delivered from what should have been sudden death at least three times while on the mission field. Only God knows the actual count. We’ve seen the other side in action as well. Still, most times we don’t see anything happen when we pray.  Some would call that proof of stupidity. 

Others would say we need to grow in faith. Luke 17:6

I just listened to a podcast featuring Dick Brogden.  He told a story of when in his twenties he had fervently and faithfully prayed for a Kenyan woman to be raised from the dead. Suddenly her body jerked upward. “Praise God!” he exclaimed.  Then he realized a particularly large woman had just sat on the end of the stretcher and the leverage had jerked the body upward.  He felt stupid and angry at God and asked the Lord why?  The answer he got was that God would trust him with His power when He could trust him with His glory.  Dick had to admit that if God had raised the woman from the dead he would have written newsletters and given testimony thanking God but also making darn sure that everyone knew that Dick had been heavily involved. I think a lot about that when I write about what we do.  I am absolutely convinced that if anyone is ever raised from the dead when I pray it will be because enough of Brian has died and been flushed away. It will not because of any grandiose growth in my faith.

The miracle of suffering

I recently read about David and Svea Flood a Swedish missionary couple who went to the Congo in 1921. Long story short the village chief prevented them from witnessing to anyone for fearing of angering the village spirits. Only one young boy who was allowed to sell them chicken and eggs heard the gospel. They felt like failures and then lost everything. Svea died, another couple adopted their young daughter Aggie, and David returned to the West where he deconstructed and fell away from the faith. Aggie grew up in South Dakota.  Long story short she eventually learned what had happened in Africa. She did more research and found that the boy to whom her parents had ministered was now a pastor that led his entire village to Christ. At last count, 110,000 people had been baptized as a result of that single seed. Aggie then sought out her 73-year-old birth father who was alcoholic and still very angry with God. He cried when she told him that his efforts had not been in vain. In the end he reconciled with her and with the God of this and that.

So why does God do miracles sometimes and not others? Better yet, why does God do miracles at all?

One reason is for unbelievers to take notice. So Jesus said to him, “Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe.” John 4:48 Signs and wonders follow the preaching of the gospel. Mark 16:20.  As for sign chasers,  I always imagine Jesus shaking His head and rolling his eyes just before He performed a miracle.

For which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? Mat 9:5

Yet even Jesus could do nothing apart from His Father. John 5:19  Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. John 15:5. It would seem to me that in addition to dying to self,  miracles are contingent upon our alignment with the will of God. True alignment with God looks like people weeping on their faces not men in thousand-dollar suits in celebrity pulpits boldly declaring a self-ordained anointing, power and authority to align God’s will with theirs.

I have a hypothesis.

THIS…

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’” Mat 7:21-23

Have you ever stopped and really considered that passage?  Better yet, have you ever scrutinized yourself in accordance with those three verses especially in the context of your most treasured assumptions about God?  That passage is in my opinion the scariest one in the entire bible. It is entirely possible to be doing all the right things even supernatural things for all the wrong reasons and not even know it. The remaining question is, “how can I really know if God knows me?” Even more, “do I even want to be known by God, or do I just want a cheap fire insurance policy and freedom from the anxiety that we used to call conviction of sin?”

“…If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.” 1 Cor 8:1-2.

That’s encouraging. But then “who loves God?”  I mean – I feel like I do. Still, Jesus said, “If you love me keep my commandments.” John 14:15  I just murdered the same guy ten times today, coveted my neighbor’s stuff and committed a host of other sins in my mind. Mat 5-6 Now what? Do I redact the scriptures that make me uncomfortable, find a teacher with a more palatable hermeneutic or face the truth – “oh what a wretched man I am!”? Sigh…I guess I’d better head on back to the old throne of grace and say “sorry”…  Yes, I know my wretchedness is covered by the shed blood of Jesus and that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Rom 8 Of course, I am saved by grace through faith that is not even my own so that I can’t brag about it. Eph 2:8-9 Still, the fact remains that I don’t always obey His commandments. Not only because I can not but because I choose not.  Again, I don’t have self-esteem or identity issues. I’ve heard countless feel-good sermons over the last fifteen years explaining my identity and why I am the righteousness of Christ… The fact remains that Mat 7:21-23 is still there in its unredacted form declaring that not everyone who thinks they are saved and doing the will of God will be saved in the end. Maybe I just need to sing “I am a friend of God” and “Reckless Love” until I believe it.  Or maybe as George Mueller wrote I need the simultaneous recognition of my utter depravity with the grace and miracle covering of the blood of Jesus. Maybe I need a full and realistic view of my filthy rag works and the offscouring of all things that I am in the context of His righteousness in which I am so miraculously clothed. It doesn’t matter that I am a missionary.  Any time I take an honest look at my reflection in the dark glass, the truth of ME strikes Acts 2:43 (Phobos) terror in my heart. It is, I think, a fruit of sincerity in that it produces “a broken and contrite heart that God will not despise.” Psalm 51:17 That in turn yields a return of the joy of His salvation. Psalm 51:12 It results in wisdom Prov 9:10 and genuine life application alignment with God Prov 3:5-8 the verification and validation of which some times but not always, maybe, just might be confirmed by a sign or a wonder.

…and THAT

It was during our first trip to Honduras that I also made my first trip to a third-world dump and saw children eating raw garbage. 

Meanwhile, Cathy went to a river baptism where she and three girls got covered in gold dust. Previous to this I saw a video featuring falling gold dust and people who claimed to awaken with divine dental work in the form of mysterious gold fillings and gold teeth.  All of it sounded ridiculous to me but I kept my mouth shut.  All I knew was that I’d just witnessed the worst, most heart-wrenching poverty I’d ever seen. I told Cathy I felt like I’d been hit upside the head with a cement block. 

Now she was ranting to me about pixy dust on her cheeks?!!

Still, I had to admit it was pretty strange. It disappeared the moment we tried to remove it from her skin but it stayed on the three girls for days.  A picture of them hung on our wall in Hawaii for years.

This is our only surviving picture. Zoom in and you can still see specks of gold dust after three days.

Pretty soon gold dust testimonies were rampant throughout charismania until some big-name megachurches notorious for hosting “glory clouds” got caught pouring gold glitter into air ducts. 

“Gold dust mold dust. Whatever!” I thought and dismissed the whole thing.

Then I heard a podcast featuring a pastor who claimed to have seen gold dust in his church.  He’d been in Jerusalem praying when a Rabbi approached him to ask what he was doing.  “Why I’m praying for the peace of Jerusalem.” The pastor replied. That sparked the Rabbi’s interest.  Somehow the conversation got around to the subject of gold dust at which point the Rabbi freaked out.  “Gold dust is falling on the gentiles?! Gold dust is falling on the gentiles!!” He exclaimed.  Apparently, somewhere within extra-biblical Jewish literature, there is an expected prophetic sign of the coming of Messiah involving gold dust falling on the gentiles.

Who knew?

The betrothal or engagement period for a Jewish marriage is one year.  During this time the bride and groom do not see each other at all. After the betrothal ceremony, and just before leaving for a year to prepare a home for his future bride, the bridegroom would give her a Matan.  According to the Rabbi, this was traditionally a gift of gold and signified a pledge of his love for her. It was to be a reminder, that he was thinking of her while they were apart and that he would return at the appointed time to receive her as his wife.

“And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.”

Rev 21:2

Suddenly, the absurd didn’t seem quite so absurd. 

Fast forward to Cerro Azul Meambar Honduras last year. It was about a week after our house was destroyed in the landslide. We had the clothes on our backs,  food, and a temporary place to lay our heads but otherwise, we didn’t know what we should do. We knew worse things can and do happen. Still, there is an element of suffering in losing everything you own and finding oneself suddenly homeless in the third world. Should I throw in the towel and go home? Oh shut up, Brian!  Instead of throwing in the towel, we threw ourselves into outreaches to get food, water purifiers, beds, and clothing, etc. to those most in need. It was mostly selfish.

After all the best way to cope when you are hurting is to help someone who is hurting more.

Cathy was sick on the last day and wasn’t with us as we delivered the last bags of rice and beans. The crisis adrenaline was wearing off as we headed back to our vehicle and I started to experience some oh so irrational and unspiritual feelings of lostness as waves of fleshy negativity rushed through my brain.  Was God punishing us?  Was this a warning? “His sheep hear His voice.” Did I not hear Him?  Had I gone against his will by moving here?  Did Mat 7:21-23 apply to me? Shut up Brian! Sure I could acknowledge the theological error cognitively but the emotions remained.

That’s part of being a fallen human on a fallen earth.

The post-hurricane heat and humidity were heavy that day.  Suddenly a cool breeze picked up and blew on my face as the four of us approached our vehicle. We all noticed a small whirlwind of gold dust swirling by the front passenger door where I had previously been sitting. It was more than a little freakish to see gold dust-covering just my side of the car. I’d never seen anything like it. All I can say is that it brought tears to my eyes and I can not describe the completely irrational yet profound sense of relief, assurance, and peace that converged with what I was seeing. It was as if God was inaudibly speaking,

“Don’t worry. I know you.”

Since then Cathy and I have become more eschatologically oriented in our approach to the gospel. Not in a conspiratorial, “the vaccine is the mark of the beast” sort of way as so many seem prone.  But in the sense that the primary task in missions is a participation in the preparation of a spotless bride for a wedding and a wedding feast.

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah! For the Lord our God
    the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
    and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.  

And the angel said  to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, “You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God.” For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. Rev 19:6-10

That preparation includes studying ourselves approved as we are commanded to do. 2 Tim 2:15 so we can be good Acts 17:11 Bereans and avoid being deceived. Mat 24:4 It also involves watching and praying and miracles, healings, signs and wonders. Some are for all the world to see. Others may be very personal. After all, the very first miracle Jesus ever performed was only known by a few. John 2 The preparation of the bride involves knowing the grace, love, and kindness of God. It also involves knowing His severity and coming wrath. It involves blessing and the experience of abundance. It involves suffering, loss and persecution. 2 Tim 3:12

Our God is a God of this and that.

If we are to know Him we must first know about Him through His word. Sorry, but reading books by people who claim to go to heaven and dialogue with the Father everyday instead is not going to cut it. Yet if we only know about Him and never know Him personally then what does it matter if we know about Him at all? Even worse, if I claim to know Him but the things I know contradict what He says about Himself in His word then who is it that I know?  Hence Mat 7:21-23

Yeah, that’s a mind-bender.

As I often explain to atheists when they strive to refute Christianity,  I love my wife.  I can not prove to them that I love my wife. Neither can they prove that I don’t. I know that I know and that’s all there is to it. Intimacy with God works the same. By the same token, I don’t take every intimate interaction with my wife and make a doctrine of marriage out of it. Instead, I look to God’s word and compare myself, my experience and my marriage to His standard. Everything that is true, everything that matters is rooted in the fact that Jesus is the bridegroom and we are His bride. We expectantly await his return in faith with the hope that we will not be found naked Rev 16:15 and or without wedding garments Mat 22:11-14. We do so despite experiences and external circumstances not because of them. Tribulation, suffering, and persecution remain the only real guarantees for us in this age. Still, the promise of our blessed hope remains. Titus 2:13 I’m not about to make a doctrine out of my gold dust experience. And you shouldn’t use it to support or refute those of anyone else. Sound doctrine is derived from scripture alone. Still, if Jesus places His hand on your shoulder in a breeze, lights a bush on fire and speaks to you through it, or gifts you with a gold dust Matan while you wait, that’s great. I recommend receiving it the same way you are called to receive the James 1:1-4  joy of having your faith tested and with a clear understanding of its purpose. Don’t dismiss it, or worse – make it an idol of it as so many do. Just be grateful and receive His peace and the blessed assurance that He knows you. Then get back to the business of knowing Him more through His word, spending time in the secret place with Him so you can more fully obey Him, love Him and become more fully conformed to His image such that He knows you even more. 

In the end you might know this about God.  Others might know about that.  But none of us really know God until we know Him as the God of this and that.

Maranatha

Brian and Cathy Gray Honduras Continues

Que Rompe Tu Corazon?

– What Breaks Your Heart? –

One of the most frequent questions we are asked by visitors is,

“What is it like to be a missionary?”

To be a missionary is to pursue brokenness. It is first and foremost about love. Love in the context of a relationship with God and with each other. Everything we do is rooted in intimacy with Him and each other in Him. The greater the intimacy the greater our recognition of our dependence. Dependence on God is a to key success on the mission field. It is the understanding that apart from relationship, the words “love” and “God” are meaningless.

Sometimes the gospel is more effectively preached with a smile, a hug or a small act of kindness that leaves people with questions rather than answers to questions they never asked.

Being a missionary means understanding that preaching a sermon and cleaning a toilet might be one in the same.

Being a missionary means having set schedules that rarely pan out because like everyone else, missionaries are gifted and dysfunctional. It is understanding that the patience spoken of in James 1:4 is an end and not just a means.

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Some days begin at 3 AM in the back of a pick-up truck on a muddy road in the rain and end at 10pm in the same. Others might start at 10 and end at 3. Sometimes we are hot, hungry thirsty and sick. Sometimes we are cool, relaxed and full of energy. Sometimes we have electricity and water. Sometimes we don’t. The periodic absence of first world comforts begets a greater sense of gratitude for the little comforts we once took for granted.

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Being a missionary means not punching a time clock

or looking for one to punch.

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It means not coveting Friday and a bigger paycheck. It means not working for the next vacation or retirement. It means not being afraid of being late or failing to perform. It means not being distracted by materialism, the latest styles or trends or the busyness of first world life. It means not being consumed by sports, politics and sewer-stream news.

It means keeping the eternal end in mind.

It is freedom from fear of suffering and the death that no one escapes.

Being a missionary means being willing to live in the desert, proverbial and literal rather than paradise.

Being a missionary means more than being a humanitarian.

It means honoring an old man or shaking a hand dripping with slime at the dump knowing that you can wash your hands, but he can’t and may die because of it.

It means traveling for an entire day to hug a suffering child.

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It means paying attention to the little things, those who don’t matter to the world.

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It means understanding the words of Mother Teresa,

“the most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”

That these words apply to eternity.

That eternity apart from God is the quintessence of loneliness.

We can tell people ad infinitum that Jesus loves them, put on our best Jesus smile and our best Jesus act in hopes that they will see Jesus in us and raise their hand at an alter call.

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We can pat ourselves and each other on the back in celebration of decisions for Jesus on a given day.

But at the end of the day it’s about us seeing Jesus in them, “in the least of these” in the ONE in front of us.

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It means staying in touch with what breaks God’s heart.

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There is a reason that it is written twenty-three times in the New Testament that Jesus had compassion. Compassion (literally to suffer with) is the door to God’s heart. Knowing what breaks His heart is the key to intimacy with Him. Intimacy with Him is the path to joy in Him. Being a missionary is about joy. It is the freedom to follow the call of God we received as a fruit of our relationship with Him. It is a freedom that comes with the knowledge and understanding that if we delight ourselves in Him he will give us the desires of our Heart, of His heart. He has.

To be a missionary means to be fully human.

To be human is to be paradoxical.

The blessing is in the brokenness.

Que Rompe Tu Corazon?